http://therumpus.net/2010/07/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-42-no-is-golden/

No is golden. No is the kind of power the good witch wields. It’s the way whole, healthy, emotionally evolved people manage to have relationships with jackasses while limiting the amount of jackass in their lives.

http://therumpus.net/2010/06/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-41-like-an-iron-bell/

It is not so incomprehensible as you pretend, sweet pea. Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor and “loaded with promises and commitments” that we may or may not want or keep.

http://therumpus.net/2010/03/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-28/

mmejoy · 2 days ago I spend a lot of time with very new adults, who are champions at saying or doing staggeringly stupid things with the best of intentions*. It is an interesting and constant reminder that a) when working as an educator, it is a good idea to assume that people have good intentions, b) having good intentions is very different from being a good person, c) I really don't know what "being a good person" means at all, and d) assuming that someone has good intentions means you also assume that they would want to be held accountable for a disconnect between their intentions and the actual effect of their choices. So you hold them accountable for it. All of this is to say that good intentions excuse us from precisely nothing, should make us more profoundly accountable for our words and actions, and my job is exhausting most days. * - They also say or do staggeringly stupid things with terrible intentions, but that requires a different approach.

http://the-toast.net/2016/03/08/on-race-good-intentions-benefit-of-the-doubt/#IDComment1015103585