https://www.depressionalliance.org/avoidant-attachment/ Be objective, about your partner’s behavior as well as your own. When something’s going wrong, take a step back and look at the situation. Start to recognize your old, unhelpful patterns of behavior and set some new ones. Identify what your emotional needs are and find ways to assert them. Find ways to increase your self-esteem. This can help you avoid taking things too personally or feeling the need for constant reassurance from your partner. Take a risk and be honest and authentic. This means with your partner, but also with yourself. Accept other people for who they are. Stop looking for faults. And accept your own faults while you’re at it, even as you seek ways to improve those that are destructive or getting in the way of what you want to achieve. Find ways to compromise. Think about “we,” not just “I” and “you.” Reflect on your past. Understanding previous close relationships, romantic and otherwise, may help you understand why you behave the way you do. A therapist may be able to help you through this process. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/201802/dismissing-attachment-and-the-search-love The reason that love and affection are so threatening to someone with a dismissing attachment style is that these things were typically not made available from parents in childhood — even though on being interviewed, they usually state that their childhoods were idyllic, and that their parents were loving, without offering supporting memories of evidence. In this situation, the child will deny the need for love and affection rather than stay in a state of sadness and yearning. After years of pushing this lack of love out of awareness, the dismissing adult feels strong and confident.