// ' * , ` ' . __________ almost PARADISE

Saturday, January 20, 2024

https://www.bustle.com/wellness/dont-see-a-future-with-my-boyfriend

Love isn’t enough. It’s tempting to view it as everything. No offense to Lennon-McCarthy, but it’s not all you need, in life nor in a relationship. It’s a lot. It’s the good sh*t. It’s the stuff that binds us all, it’s the space between moments and atoms and any other poetic thought you can have. Love lives up to all of the art that’s made about it and the songs sung about it and the chicken noodle soups made with it. But it’s not simply enough. Which is, of course, an excruciating and often unacceptable truth. What do you mean, it’s not enough? I love this person. OK, but you can’t live with them. You can’t be happy with them. You can’t be fully alive with them and only them as your partner. That doesn’t negate how you feel about them. (Even though it feels like it does.) It just means you need something else, too. Not more, not better, just different. You’re not evil for having needs in a relationship that your partner cannot meet. It’s devastating, it’s depressing, it’s gutting when that happens. But it’s not your fault. There are all kinds of common explicit examples of when love isn’t enough — one person wants kids, the other doesn’t; one person wants to live in rural Idaho and the other can’t be more than two miles from a Zara without getting hives. Love can’t bridge those gaps; it can’t make two people want the same things. And you might find that this is the case with you and your partner. If you choose to leave, there will be moments where you both question if you could have done more to make it work. You’ll ask yourself that question. And you’ll find the answer in the new, full life you build afterward. You’ll find it in the new people you meet and the new experiences you have. In the meaning you create and make, and in the things you miss and adore about your ex. The truth is you can’t have it all in life; you can’t have this partner and this life and another one later that you try a different way. You only get one. I’m not saying I’m in favor of you leaving. (I’m in favor of you working hard to make life what you want, and you will get it wrong a couple times along the way! I promise!) I’m telling you, though — promising you even — that you will have laughter and love and joy again. First, it will feel like you got your insides scooped out like a pumpkin, sure. But you’ll get through it, like all of us do when we lose love, or have to let go of it.
You should walk away when you think you have nothing left to give to this relationship.

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