Images Come Alive...

i wrote this in spring 2002 when i think my creativity was at its highest.
and yet i stopped because i was writing so many of the same poems.


i think we could make an encyclopedic volume out of teenage angst scribblings.
(these are chronologically backwards)

copper fields.

pattern yourself for the
tumble the mudslide
and the silence comfort brings
we are dropped in the valley
and the riches of others the puppet
on the trapping strings

choose the poison that
fares you best in the
heat of the moment and smile
it's the call of the willing
and the fly in the soupbowl
that make our daily worthwhile

and if we can't cope with the
web we weave and we
look back in tears
suppress the screams inside
to quell the fear the
muscles tensing disappear

drifting in the dusk
with the copper fields
in bloom
i'm wondering if i can
find you in the
waves of doom

for surely if a dream
can be absorbed out
of the reaches of gold
in my own hands i can
laugh in the darkness
when all the riches i hold.


then all these from 2000 on.



paradise tonight.

you sounded like you, knew what you were talking about
so i picked up the phone to dial your private psychic hotline
and as it turns out there was no conversation at all, i broke my fall
with a bag of chips and the reassurance it would be the right time
(someday)

so we're driving to la, got big plans made to, get our hearts broken tonight
we are saved by our laughter the next morning after and the
pitch comes in high and tight
you're singing your ancient songs of happily ever after and dreams
and i smile to myself as your face contorts 'cause you can't remember what it
feels to believe

my life is insane but i don't complain, so what if it could be worse than it
already is
all i know is that my cards to show don't include the heart i need to exist
sleeping in the backseat we are cuddled in misery who cares it feels all
right
living in justice we make a big fuss of this paradise we're looking for
tonight

living vicariously through you, i am living vicariously through you
i don't need a life of my own just a place to call home and oh something to
drink would be nice too
rocking in silence we dream of the finest we are shaken into reality
but we're broken we've spoken of fantasies too far behind
so we'll come into our own somewhere down this road at exactly the wrong time

lost in the playground we fall off the swings we dream of impossible dreams
it's a lost cause when we don't please the boss and we can't find the words
to stall this train
moving morphing into a vision of nothing we break into silence trapped in
this underground
oh and if we could only see the clouds we'd know we're not too far from the
next town
(someday)

my life is insane but i don't complain, so what if it could be worse than it
already is
all i know is that my cards to show don't include the heart i need to exist
sleeping in the backseat we are cuddled in misery who cares it feels all
right
living in justice we make a big fuss of this paradise we're looking for
tonight

even just for tonight, i'm gonna set things right
just for a day find the words to say to give it one more try
paradise we're looking for tonight...


moved.

sleep standing up too exhausted even to lie
biding my years away wasting all my time
the ledge i dare not clear looms before my eyes
i will concede my home but never my pride

a spirit cannot be broken only tamed
a disease too shattering to conceive, even just to name
channeling energy contained of last breaths
steeped in enthusiasm that wavers with death

committed to reality a thousand sins received
upon the hand that calmed the storm - disbelief
but who can be against us, what is truer than truth
the bonds that bite are raw and tight but invariably soothed

would you begin to believe if you saw it
a silent witness with no consequence
swallowed in the crack of earth's great crevasse
moved by the hand that moves life.


if nothing else (for school: i did my own "song of myself", walt whitman style)

"If Nothing Else"

i am everything. i am nothing.
i am freeflowing change
i am passion and pain
still holding on to a world that breaks me.

celebrating mind over matter, heralding life over gain, too much of heaven
and this ship is going down
greeting heroes self made, singing the praises of those who gave all, lost in
this sea of broken sound
too many believers, too little change, how can we keep the faith if we can't
even keep our minds straight
free of dust, how can this be, how can i walk if you keep carrying me

drink to the chosen, selected for drama, the powers that dominate cease to be
elevated
presents to those who pick while they choose, protection to those who have
everything to lose
forget all those who have rejected your existence, they won't matter in the
end, all things must pass
say what you will, control what you may, but we shall all be loved, we will
triumph someday

so roll up your sleeves, pack up your bags, move away to faraway lands
dreaming the whole way, how can we not, action always takes second place to
thought
sing of times past, we were so carefree, life takes on new meaning when we
reflect carelessly
remember nothing that happens to you that set you down
if nothing else, we will have made the world one huge lost and found.


the happy people.

how many of us are still here
still hanging on the last splintering thread
how many of us can still believe
and how many have been taken for dead?

i want to find closure, take advantage of the quiet
find some time to bury my soul without crying
so what if it's foolish, nothing else consumes my life
bent low to the ground, i stumble in the night

flex the muscles that haven't been used for ages
find something to stop the wheels turning
in a direction that can only mean destruction
advance toward the fire without burning

i don't mind the whispers gathering at the base of my back
i can't leave all this chances left untested
i don't mind the ache that worsens with each step
feed me life, though my mind has protested
(time and time again, time and time again)

don't leave me here without a mirror i can recognize myself in
and don't taunt me with treasures forbidden
do you ever wonder how the happy people get along
with their solid fortresses and their army six billion strong?


last dance.

i have not allowed my thoughts to return of times past
where happiness was forever but we all know forever never lasts
we are forced into the daily grind by this excruciating process known as
growing up
and we pay for the pitcher, we pay for the stand, we pour the lemonade - and
spill the cup

stand up in triumph you will be the only one with strands of pride
create bars to stabilize yourself through which you can never hide
it's funny how one miscalculation can scar all your life
and it's your job to pick up the pieces and supply the time

pick me up at seven o'clock let's make it a date
you can talk about work while i pretend it's all okay
we've practiced this charade so often it's our friday night habit
you can't lose anything of worth if you never had it

so take my hand we'll dance this last dance
talk quietly about people we know never given a chance
and the tears will come i know this much is true
for the failure i will see in me, and it is the essence of all that is you.


come again.

eyond the sky beyond the clouds
no longer shuttered i laugh out loud
slowly renewing my trust in you
i've had the many now i'll take the few

to be rich, to be poor, to rest assured
of a claimed fate, of a contradictory state
how many people do you think are like us
who have all the glory without all the fuss?

i'd say not too many, how about you
let me know what this is all leading to
now don't map it out too carefully
i don't need you to dilute me with subtleties

so forget the collapse of the past
a new one will come again soon;
remember the life we've created together
remember the love i've found in you.


destiny.

i keep telling myself this dry spell can't last long
i'm coming at it full force with an army ten thousand strong
so what if it's only in my head, that's never stopped me before
i dream of past insecurities and find myself longing for more

that was a time when i could actually distinguish myself in a crowd
maybe my opinion didn't mean much but i could bring it forth loud
never standing back to let the foolish govern my world, the least i could do
was try
and i continued to believe truth after truth...and afterward lie after lie.

now i am surrounded by people i can no longer respect, not even when i pretend
i am headed straight for a baited trap, i am not in control, hurtling to a
dead end
willing to be passive simply because it suits my current state of mind
knowing i shall regret this silence when i regain my senses, hope to unwind

someone stop this madness, there must be some way to steal the show
the life i had before is nothing like the one i have come to know
too much change brings strength but never with it hope
i am not asked to survive in my new surroundings, only to cope

but it is not me...i do not have this aimlessness you speak of in my genes
i cannot bring myself to destroy the face in the mirror of my dreams
i don't think my heart is beating in fact i fancy it has long since stopped
put your faith in me anyway, i believe in this new destiny not.


the thread.

o be rescued, the sweetest thing
to have room to breathe, an unexpected treat
to be comfortable in your own skin - everything

where our paths cross i will run to you
where your passion glows i will come to you
where your loyalties lie - so shall i

for i am eternity, emblazoned in your mind
i am the best, the blessed, the shy temptress
to which you give and receive in kind
i am the comfort, the passing of strength
through years of suffering worn away by time
the chill in the air tempered by the warmth inside
i am the life woven from the most perfect design.

to have in your possession all that you'll ever need
to have in your days the weight of the least taxing deed
to have the honor of the responsibility of an equal greed

why you hold the end of another's lifeline
why you have been entrusted with its very progression
why you are the very reason for its creation

for you are eternity, emblazoned in my mind
you are the best, the blessed, the shy temptress
to which i shall give and receive in kind
you am the comfort, the passing of strength
through years of suffering worn away by time
the chill in the air tempered by the warmth inside
you are the life woven from the most perfect design.

long live the thread woven between your heart and mine.


to be alive.

i'm too ashamed to say that i'm
too scared and i
can't believe all this is happening at once.

i'm too shy to say it's
so precious to have you
here by my side, it's too late
to change the way the words
fall on the page
the story of your life.

there are no tears.
they're of no use anyway
i guess it's just as well,
seeing as we are still too shaky
to survive them.

to be alive is enough.
it has to be.



i wrote through 9/11...
trying to make sense of it all.

and America marches on.

we are shaken, not broken
and we shall carry on.
perhaps not everything has gone as planned
but we shall overcome, we will eventually stand -

so the story goes like this,
you can strike for our hearts, but you will always miss
stories of heroism, of patriotic ties
you can lead to our sorrow, but never our demise

jenny is a sweet sixteen today
her last birthday party was shattered by hate
and the last we've heard of her is in misery
but she will carry on, she is determined to be free

the preservation of life is fragile at best
but it's a fight we will win, we will pass this test
the beauty of life is in its everyday joys
and its critical moments are in everyday choice

we are shaken, not broken
and we shall carry on
perhaps our dream have been postponed
but in us lives a strength newly born.



your way.

you were
all passion,
the kind of beauty
that never gets a second glance

and you smiled at me,
but of course i, being the genius i am,
gave it not a second thought -
but in my defense, you smiled at
everyone.

that was your way.

and to offer up insight,
to read into it any praise
would be doing it a great injustice.
a second chance come too late
and not enough truth for your taste.

that was your way.

and to escape in the night,
to retire at your peak
was your every waking thought
and your deepest held dream.
and in the end, at the very last second,
all that was left was
your smile.

i guess that was all there was anyway
that was your way.


chase down that sun.

verse 1

we are born pure and creamy white
until the dying light has its way
we are born with no one dogging at our backs
yeah...we have ourselves a clean slate

bridge 1

so tell me how we avoid this fate
of making all these fatal mistakes
i don't believe we've truly lived until
we can look back without a grimace

chorus

maybe we should start out slow, ease into high gear
feel our way through this, come what may, control the fear
maybe we'll be able to run fast enough to outrun all our roots
but i've never met anyone who's risked that much to escape truth
whatever it is, however it shall appear -
we'll chase down that sun until we've run out of tears.

verse 2

let's say life is a fairy tale, a page out of that fantasy book
you cross that border to mark that turn and still leave it unfinished
let's say life is an ongoing struggle, a fight for the overlooked
where you begin out of chances and your luck is nonexistent

chorus

so maybe we should start out slow, ease into high gear
feel our way through this, come what may, control the fear
maybe we'll be able to run fast enough to outrun all our roots
but i've never met anyone who's risked that much to escape truth
whatever it is, however it shall appear -
we'll chase down that sun until we've run out of tears.

bridge 2

dare you set claim to all that you hold dear?
our past is cluttered with scars and promises smeared

Bridge 1
Chorus 2x

chase down that sun till we've run out of tears
chase down that sun...


i understand.

perhaps it's best to say this in praise
perhaps it'd be better to say this in prose
i can't tell my story without heralding the achievements
of one man who has slayed all foes.

he entered my life quietly, as all heroes do -
clearing his throat against the excited chatter
of a class newly fished from a hot summer
with everything to say and nothing to prove.

i could still hear the crowd against the silence
dying slowly so the screams were still audible
and at that moment he smiled and opened his heart
and proceeded to remind us of that which we are all capable

i don't think we as a mismatched group could ever compare
with his life, his words and his humble grace
i've searched long and far thereafter and never could find a trace
for we all left something in that small room while we were there.

for he coaxed from us emotions we never thought we had
we never would have dreamed that we could feel as one
that from the football player to the free spirit we could be
fused into a bond that could never be undone.

and the most amazing thing i have ever witnessed
is that he was able to do all this
with a single sentence, sticking to his same plan:
"I've been there before, I understand."


an ode to friendship.

set someone free today:
give them your best and brightest smile,
the one that comes spontaneously and for the
sole purpose of glory.

give someone hope today:
lend a hand, be a friend
in the purest sense of the word -
the one that appears only secretly and in the dark...
unveil it in the light.

now touch that word, taste it
find it yielding yet bittersweet.
the word has but four letters, breathe them aloud
simply because you can.

here's to the times we have created
to last forever in the oldest memory.
for people will never remember the words they never said;
the feelings they never felt...
but they shall never forget how easy it was to share.


pity.

don't pity me, even upon the discovery
i have no conscience, no voices in my head
don't look at me with sadness, even when you find out
i'm probably much better off dead

don't worry about me, even if i should stumble
i can stand on my own, it just takes me a little longer
don't point at me, even when i don't play by your rules
i'd rather lead my own expedition than be a follower in your crowd

there are days when i do feel the loss of a thousand warriors
who return only to find the enemy has destroyed all that is home
there are certainly times when the rain falls only on me
all around is sunshine, while i am soaked to the bone

still i shall never admit defeat though it radiates from me
perhaps it is best i drift along only with snatches of memory
i breathe in the air never filtered by society, and because of this
i cannot help but pity all of you.


so the thunderclouds have rolled away
so the rainbow has finished its reign
so you say life goes on, but what for?
i don't believe nothing's changed
but then again i don't know what to think anymore

so the darkness has crept in
so the crickets have begun their din
so you say time moves on, but why?
i don't wonder for the sake of conversation
but then again i don't know all there is to life (what to say anymore)

so the candle has been snuffed out
so the lifeblood begins its cycle of doubt
so you say it happens to everyone, but how?
i don't speculate for the future, just for now
but then again i don't know what this is all about

so the drapes were drawn against the harsh light of day
so the door was slammed on your way out today.

(c) 2001 Steph


i noted: ugh, i'm not sure what's wrong with me...it feels like I've written this
poem so many times. Not rewritten or anything, this is the first and final
draft, but it's so much like my others. *sigh*


only the good.

he had the ease, the grace
of one who knew he held the world
in his hands, had the attention of
millions;
the general public wrapped around his
little finger.

still nothing was too insignificant to
escape his clear green gaze:
a stray gum wrapper on the street, perhaps -
or the starving children whose eyes followed
the bulge in other men's back pockets
but latched on only to the invitation in his hands.

some instinctual behavior, characteristic of
the fiercest protector found only in the jungle
my hero emerged from silence and carved himself
a place in all our hearts.

and i - and i, helpless to resist his charms
still melt every time. the special smile -
the one i liked to believe he reserved just for me -
the sunstreaks in his hair, the strength of mind,
the security i found in his arms.

"i am yours," i promised;
and he just smiled and stroked my face:
"forever," i added urgently,
and his eyes became a little sad -
but there was no pity as he replied,
"love, there is no forever for me."

and alas...it was true.
though our story had only just begun
history has taught us only the good die young.


you.

you had always been hesitant, reticent to speak
your answers never coming quickly enough to satisfy
even the most patient of mothers, of daughters who
would willingly risk their reputations, their lives for you.

the bad boy charm, the all-american grace
sunlight filtered through your hair just so, because it was meant to be
and it always seemed that way with you -
everything deliberate, life played follow-the-leader to your tune.

a blessing in full bloom -
until the day fate caught up with you.


a thousand words.

the pictures that mean more to me than anything else
are the pictures that manage to take themselves
a thousand words even from the very first flash
the collection of memories that forever last.

i see the world from behind my lens
some say for cowardice, others for the present tense
here life is manageable, consisting of but several frames
and i keep an eye out for what has potential to burst into flames

for the pictures that mean more to me than anything else
are the pictures that manage to take themselves
a thousand words even from the very first flash
the collection of memories that forever last.

i obey only the itch in my finger, positioned perfectly
on my private trigger - never has life been better

they are - a thousand words even from the very first flash
the collection of memories that forever last...

(c) 2001 Steph


sort of a weird, random study on photography, lol. i'd love to do it for
a living, except i suck. i don't know if it's a curse or a blessing that the
only thing i don't lack is enthusiasm, lol. *sighs* This was one of those
writings where you woke up one morning with the catchphrase in mind - for
this one, "the pictures that mean more to me than anything else/are the
pictures that manage to take themselves" - but it takes you a while to come
up with all the words in between, you know?
okay, maybe i'm the only one, lol. *yawns* think i'm gonna get some
sleep...

love~
Steph


six.

i wish it didn't hurt so much
to know there is nothing i can do
nothing i can do, nothing i can say
that will change your mind
right your wrongs, cancel out your ways

i can see you on the path to tragedy
you're walking on a flimsy tightrope
washed several times over with grease
you dizzy yourself into oblivion
give over the reins of control to the wind
and when you start to fall apart
i rush to glue your pieces back

how long will it take, how long will this last
you're fighting me, your hopeless past
take the wheel, regain control
stop sucking me into your black hole

stop making jealousy your creed
for you have six hungry mouths to feed
your mind, your heart, your soul
your spirit, your fire, and me.


"Precious"
[ dedicated to Heather Howe Hughes ]

verse 1 :

it's been a long day and i
step outside for a breather
then comes the news -
crashing into my existence

another life has left this world
only this time, it's someone
i am oddly close to, though i
never associated with them much.

bridge :

a friend of a friend, a lover of a lover
and i am reminded once again

chorus :

you only live once, there will never be a second chance
take the hand of that partner who asked you to dance
take the blessing of each day to heart
i only regret it takes a tragedy to remind me
a beautiful summer day such as this
only seeks to become precious.

verse 2 :

sorrow comes in different forms
one for the family, another for the onlookers
who press their faces to the glass
in hopes of getting past
the solid barrier that cuts them off from
closeness, all we never had

bridge :

she was a friend of a friend, a lover of a lover
and i am reminded once again

chorus :

you only live once, there will never be a second chance
take the hand of that partner who asked you to dance
take the blessing of each day to heart
i only regret it takes a tragedy to remind me
a beautiful summer day such as this
only seeks to become precious.

(c) 2001 Steph


I just finished this a couple minutes ago, because (for anyone who
doesn't know), Erin of
gottagetnsync.com just lost one of her good friends to a car accident.
I've only talked to her online, relatively frequently (but then again, I
wouldn't call us especially close), but somehow the news just struck me so
hard.
I do understand that every few seconds one person in the world dies, but,
of course, some hit us harder than others. I guess I just wanted to pass on
advice that's been repeated time and time again, not only since it's rather
therapeutic for me but to just thank you all, for your endless support. I've
come to be really close to a lot of you and it really means a lot to me (so
"precious").
Now, if only I had the courage to send this to her...does anyone think I
should? I read this over a few times and maybe it's a little early to pass
this on to her...it's sort of about learning from all this, about kind of
moving on, and I don't know if it would be appropriate at this time.

always~
Steph


picking teams (choosing sides)

lthough i was fortunate
and graceful enough not to
experience it myself

i saw it happen
with my own eyes
in theory, i would never have said anything then
in pratice, it is only now that i am grateful i had.

awkward, gangly, weighed down
with the insecurity only a lonely childhood brings
stammering, sinking into themselves
as they steeled themselves for this very moment.

oh, if only i had known then
how much courage (and blind faith)
it took them only to stand there among us
among us, and yet not with us.

still, what lonely souls we all were
yet without the realization, the insight
that brings with it compassion;
a kind word, a warm smile
a hand stretched out
to receive its trembling mate's

and then ecstasy.

(c) 2001 Steph


Hey all...one more day of finals to go! haha ;)
This poem was inspired largely by a song called "At Seventeen" by Tara
MacLean (a cover of an old Janis Ian song), more specifically by the lines
"To those of us who know the pain / Of valentines that never came, / And
those whose names were never called / When choosing sides for basketball..."
It really got me thinking...you never know whose life you'll affect with
simple, careless words, crushing an already damaged soul.
I am by no means the victor in this game called life, but I do see great
truth in another favorite quote of mine: "People will forget what you did,
and they will forget what you say - but they will never forget how you made
them feel."
Keep on keepin' on, guys.

love~
Stephy


funny how.

it's funny how those of us loved least
end up being able to love the most.
it's funny how first prize belongs to the quietest workers
and never he who is quick to boast.

it's funny how all the things we want the most
come, in time, to benefit us the least.
it's funny how sparks we used to believe in so fervently
now shine only for the past, only in peace.

it's funny how we become all in which we believe
it's funny how life always goes on, with no reprieve.
it's funny how those we care about the most
could not care about us any less.

it's funny how we are able to be so quiet for so long
letting go only inside, an impossible feat to attain.
it's funny how those who have the most to lose
act like they have the most to gain.

it's funny how you can get all the admirers
while i get the ones left in your wake.
it's funny how you shatter at the slightest force
and i shall never falter - i will never break.

(c) 2001 Steph

perhaps this is the story of my life ;)


in the end.

i search for all i cannot find
to solve the riddle, for peace of mind
eloquent as you may seem
i've learned to covet fantasy, over reality

i hate it when you use big words
to say things to hurt me in small ways
i hate the way you brag about me
to my friends, but not to yours...

perhaps this is selfish insecurity
but i believe there's more i deserve
than you, yu've come to rely on me
as your significant other, but i defer

(for i'm tired of being your crutch...)

i hate it whne you use big words
to hurt me in what you feel are only small ways
i hate the way you champion your rights
only to trample upon mine...

the faces in the yearbook all smile up at me
the ultimate in superiority
beam the quarterback and homecoming queen
the eptiome of plasticity

i hate it when you use small, petty words
wield them to shatter my will
i hate the way that in the end


begin.

this is catharsis for me
the ability to understand
the freedom to be who i am
this is catharsis for me

i think you've healed my soul
to burst free in ecstasy
all the beauty meant to be
i think you've healed my soul

perhaps you've made me whole
for i feel like singing
i can't stop dreaming
perhaps you've made me whole

this moment is fleeting, the night incomplete
the conversation's at end
i love the comfort of familiarity
and i can't help wanting to begin.

bring me down.

Knowing all I do
Seeing who you are
I cannot help but wonder
How we got this far

Knowing who I am
And all that you will be
Has not affected my focus
Only my sense of reality

Have I indented too much?
Have I gone too far?
Have I wasted all my time
Wishing on someone else's star?

I sink my hands
Into the warm soft ground
You have destroyed my life
But you will never bring me down.


there.



(c) 2001 Steph

another of what my friend amanda terms my "angry poems," lol. visit her
personal site, please? :o) --->
myillusion.org


enough.

whisper in the watery abyss
the essence of all that is you
crouch on the hateful ground
determined to be without sound

jump over those obstacles
those hurdles, the flaming hoops
you can never be yourself with her
but i can never be anything without you.

someday two ends will find a way to meet
for what is meant to be will eventually triumph.
hold the pain at bay for now, for it will be nothing
compared to what I shall feel when my heart finally realizes
that is enough is enough.

(c) 2001 Steph


lest we forget.

we are intimately intwined with our elders
we breathe the breath of our fathers
impossibly tangled with our brothers
and we'll always remember
lest we forget

troubled times call for desperate measures
some of us waste our whole lives for treasure
and we cannot see what we have waiting at home
we cannot escape all that we own
so we'll always remember, since we cannot forget

we start off with boundless energy to sample
all the ample works the world has to offer
suddenly we lose our way, perhaps another day
we'll live all those dreams we used to have

fenced in by aimless rules, unable to choose
between what's right and what our hearts are calling for
so we fall astray from the right of way
and we're stuck in this cycle forevermore

then one day our foundation goes and crumbles
the life we've worked so hard to shelter fumbles
how can you say it's going to be okay
when all my loved ones have passed away?

performance is driven only by motivation
i have lost that desire, that sensation
to move forward, to dare to dream
how can i when you're not here with me

so today of all days i finally look for you
i touch the stone and i feel your smile on my face
perhaps we won't remember, but we never can forget
everything in time finds its place---
thank you...

(c) 2001 Steph


Happy Memorial Day, guys...it's time to remember. This poem doesn't even
begin to match the feelings in me right now, but it's a start, i think.

love~
Steph


"Only Terror"

perhaps this shall say all i need to say
perhaps i know more than i need to know
maybe someday i'll learn to forgive
for now you must deserve that precious gift

i don't understand why you won't come home
i refuse to believe that you can't
after all we've been through
don't i deserve better than that?

if only we could have a chance to reconcile
if only i could hold your hand
having something is better than nothing
unless you'll never have that nothing again

i try to force oblivion on myself
i never want to feel that way, so empty
and helpless, and loathing all i am
while bitterly damning your soul, your existence.


now i tilt my face up to the sky
i'm grown now, i know i will see you again
it took me so long to get over that anger
when in reality, it was the fear that made me
bent and broken, as only terror can.


time.

I think I'm old enough to be cherished
I think it's time for a little acceptance
I think it's time for you to let me go
If you won't take that chance

I think forgiveness has been a long time coming
I think it's hard to understand what it is to live
I think you've held on long enough to me
For sooner or later, something has to give

I think I'm partly to blame for your weakness
I think covering for you all this time was fatal
I think I don't regret all that happened
I only long for happiness, unparalleled

By any other feeling, I think love should be like that
By any other identity, I'm still me
By any other name, please set me free
And if, by any chance, you continue faithfully…

I think I have been resigned to idle dreams
I think I have lived this fairy tale before
I think I have been reduced to believing
That any lucky charm will do, so long as it holds in store

What is, and what I can only hope will be
Time for this ugly duckling to test its wings
Time to show all I stand for
Time to face what a hopeless future brings.


"A Lifetime Away"

Verse 1

If you're not running away from me
Are you just running scared?
You knew my heart would soon be yours
If we continued this illicit affair
This illicit affair

Bridge

Heir to a witness
Witness to a crime
If it's not yours
It can only be mine

Chorus

Not my fault, but I still take the blame
Not my life, but I'm taking your place
My ideas, but you stole the fame
How can this be, impossibly
Especially when you're just a lifetime away

Verse II

If you're not hiding something
Are you just hiding away?
You knew my secrets would become yours
If we continued this game
This lethal game

Bridge

Heir to a witness
Witness to a crime
If it's not yours
It can only be mine

Chris

Not my fault, but I still take the blame
Not my life, but I'm taking your place
My ideas, but you stole the fame
How can this be, impossibly
Especially when you're just a lifetime away

You're just a lifetime away
Deception only hurts when you make that mistake
You're still just a lifetime away
You jump, I fall, and we start it over again…

A lifetime away…

(c) 2001 Steph


i'm pretty sure i was angry when i wrote this yesterday...i can't seem to
remember why now, though...



chosen.

Small price to pay, for your sins
Dangerous place to begin
Teach her your words, your intentions, your thoughts
Teach her everything, but it's you she's not

Step into the fire, back into the flame
Jump into the abyss that marks your gain
Disappear for now, emerge yet again
And people will line up to scream your name

I've had all I can handle, more than I can take
I can't stand by and watch you waste idly away
Nor can I stop you, the hell-bent hellion you are
But I refuse to give in, I won't take it that far

Reflect the turmoil that sucks you in
For you are only feedback from where you begin
You change without warning, you cry without sound
And I deliver you again from that lost and found

Still you barrel to the edge, you spit in Fate's face
You tumble and stumble in this never-ending race
How can I help you, where should I stand?
You head for the ground but have no place to land

Stuck between the shoulds and the supposed-to-bes
Cling to me no longer, for I am determined to be free
My friend, as I set the course for my final sail,
Rest assured: I will be fine, don't cry for me -
I have chosen not to fail.


broken ground.

drained of color, devoid of sound
your brand marks me and brings me down
tainted with hope, broken of spirit
I won't know it's real till I hear it
hear it from you
I must hear it from you

born of children, born in haste
brought into this world a mistake
still you use him for your excuses, your lies
you've got a stack of debts a mile high
still I need to hear it from you
I must hear it from you

racked in pain, lost in sorrow
wherever you lead he can't help but follow
he obeys in vain your every command
I go through life his biggest fan
but I need to hear it from you
I must hear it from you

rid of faith, desperate for love
he craves all that you've been dreaming of
we all lose, we all feel pain
someone's loss is forever someone's gain.

And I hear it from you now.
the static, the relentless patter
of regrets, of should-have-beens
it could have been so much better
if you had just suppressed giving in.

And now you are the wavelengths
Giving off broken sound.
And today you are the broken pieces
On the broken ground.

(c) 2001 Steph


Happy Sunday :o) Look out the window and see if you can spot my friend
April rushing by...lol, this month has gone by SO fast ;)

love~
Stephy


memories.

Verse 1

it wades in shallow water
waiting for its summons
it keeps itself busy when it's not...

Bridge

temporarily forgotten but never erased
time does heal all wounds
but not all evidence you've been there before

Chorus

when it engulfs you with its power
when it embraces you with its warmth
it can be a heady comfort
it can be a furious storm

impossible to replace
never anther one in its place
all the emotions that make up me
are found in all my memories

Verse 2

triggered by the present
remembered for its lost past
adrift on hope to savor the joys...

(i wish i could tell you
every detail i recall
of our time together...)

Bridge

(for it is) temporarily forgotten but never erased
time does heal all wounds
but not the evidence you've been there before

Chorus

when it engulfs you in its power
when it embraces you with its warmth
it can be a heady comfort
it can be a raging storm

impossible to replace
never another in its place
all the emotions that make up me
are found in all my memories...

i shall hold on to my memories
until it's time to move on...


in time.

Verse 1

i am remarkably sensitive to your charms, your wiles
i am incredibly vulnerable to your radiant smiles
but i put my foot down when you come too close
i can't lose now what i've come to treasure the most

though i melt at your fingers upon mine
i am prone to expressing desire time after time
i dream of endless kisses upon swollen lips
though i can't yet drink the water i've had countless sips

Chorus

never a chance to resist
i yearn to lay here just like this
safe in your arms until my dying day
when you call i can't help but obey

i can swear to be strong for you
rest assured i will be true
others may try but they will not penetrate
what, in time, will be yours to take

Verse 2

I suffer through your tenderness
tormented by fantasies vivid
lost in the harmony that is you
you are the spark that lights my fuse

never fear, never regret
you will be rewarded the first chance i get
i try so hard not to respond to your touch
you will be my lifelong crush

Chorus to fade

yours...


learning.

we have landed on the moon
we have learned to recreate ourselves.
we can make treasures out of trash
and still, some say, find wonder in wealth.

and here i am
taking the first steps
as if they are the very first of steps -
i'm learning to change the world today.

we can go anywhere we'd like to go
we can be anything we'd like to be
so long as we play within the rules
color in the lines, color faithfully.

and here i am
taking the first steps
as if they are the very first of steps -
i'm learning to change the world today.

we are allowed the freedom of individual exploration.
we have conquered the high seas
touched heaven on earth on our terms
and learned to be humble on our knees.

and here i am
taking the first steps
as if they are the very first of steps -
i'm learning to change the world today.

so what does this prove, what does this mean?
i try to stay strong for you but it's an impossible dream.
i'm too young to stay committed so long
i can't sacrifice this much for i don't belong

in this world that we have digitalized
in this world we have molded, formed and reformed
to fit modern standards, to live up to expectations
whatever happens to those long forgotten that we once mourned?

still...

we have landed on the moon
we have learned to recreate ourselves.
we can make treasures out of trash
and still, some say, find wonder in wealth.

and here i am
taking the first steps
as if they are the very first of steps -
i'm learning to change the world today.


this life.

this life ain't worth the tears
the wear and tear of despair
over a long stretch of years

this life ain't worth the sweat
the race to make ends meet
the struggle for every breath

this life ain't worth the pain
the bone-aching weariness
suffered in vain

and I ain't worth the tears
when my baby comes to call for me
with all the knowledge in his years

and I ain't worth the sweat
that my father shed for my mother's sake
as she lay helpless in bed

and I ain't worth the pain
that my family went through
to get me to where I am today.

yet here I stand, somewhat at peace
somewhere along the way, happiness caught up to me.


sometimes.

a nickel for inspiration
a penny for your thoughts
a dime for all the things
you've found, once lost

never again will I brave the world
given the troubles of the past
never again will i bend myself
trying to make it last

i shall not sacrifice my time
to someone who won't return it to me
i shall not succumb to temptations
that fail to bring me stability

and i will not give in to my longings
the immature desires of my childhood
i will not break, i will not yield
though sometimes i wish i would

the years will pass so slowly
but i will never look back
time will not wear away my defenses
though sometimes i'll wish it had.



lessons.

Verse 1

i'm so tired of this day-to-day routine
trapped in the misery that used to be my dreams
if i had only known growing up would be this hard
i probably would have given up before the very start

Bridge

but now it's too late i can't turn this back around
i've lost the comfort of my feet cooling on solid ground
it's all come back to haunt me, those things my daddy taught
and now when i need it the most i've conveniently forgot

Chorus

lessons of hope and everlasting faith
how to survive when life gets in your way
how to catch up when you're left behind
how to make the most of your precious time

and he said, it's all in how you respond to the world around you
how well you can jump through their hoops
how you perform under pressure
all the things you'll do for pleasure

Verse 2

stuck in this maze, trapped in this life
how was i to know my daddy would be right?
he always warned me procrastination would overthrow me someday
i tried to make the best of it all, but then came fate

Bridge

and now it's too late i can't turn this back around
i've lost the comfort of my feet cooling on solid ground
it's all come back to haunt me, those things my daddy taught
and now when i need it the most i've conveniently forgot

Chorus

lessons of hope and everlasting faith
how to survive when life gets in your way
how to catch up when you're left behind
how to make the most of your precious time...

it's all in how you respond to the world around you
how well you can jump through their hoops
how you perform under pressure
and all the things you'll do for pleasure

lessons...


for anyone.


for anyone who lives to dream
for anyone who dreams to live
for anyone who would dance in the clouds
this is my prayer, my ode to give.

for anyone who believes in fate
who knows in their heart love is predestined
for anyone who would sacrifice their own happiness for another's...
may you have everlasting grace, may you live for all time.

for anyone who has loved and lost
please know it will be better someday.
for anyone who has loved in secret
love openly; soon it will be too late.

for anyone who has shared their soul
with one who could care less; now be whole.
for anyone who has shared their life
with one who is careless; forgive, in time.

for everyone knows, this too, shall pass:
never again will we dwell in the past.
love like this would never last.


the runaway.

seeking shelter from the storm
tears like pearls dropping from her eyes
headlights blaze in the distance
and she shivers as she realizes

oh, how she envies the stars
for they have each other
and how she yearns for comfort
acceptance from another

she has so much love to give
but so much of it has died
she's so full of passion
she so regularly hides
(the beautiful person inside)

and dark now is the day
and fleeting is the dawn
time to head out
time to move on.

(c) 2001 Steph


no idea where all this is coming from...it's just like a rush of words i
have to hurry to write down as soon as i can, before i forget it all...sorry
if I'm filling up your mailboxes!

love~
Stephy


in a heartbeat.

for you i shall navigate the deep waters
to our very own sanctuary, where the sea is calmer
and for you all my promises i'd keep
in a heartbeat

for you i shall give up all my worldly possessions
sacrifice my independence in a series of confessions
and for you all my thoughts seek
in a heartbeat

for you i shall commit in an unforgiving world
in search of that haven of second chances, unfurled
and for you all my hopes and dreams
in a heartbeat

for you i shall sing the music in my soul
stir the unshaken thoughts i have yet to control
and for you all my dark secrets
in a heartbeat.

and for you i shall strive for perfection (only to fall)
end up wondering why i bothered at all
yet still, for you my heart, completely
in a heartbeat.


birthday.

jenny is seven years old today
her mother has bought her a huge birthday cake
and invited seventeen of her very best friends
to celebrate this coming of age, where it all begins

todd is sixteen years old today
his father has bought himself a huge barrel keg
and invited seventy of his very best friends
to celebrate these years on the streets, where it all ends

and while jenny blows out her candles, her friends in hushed delight
her wish is for this moment to last forever, to remember for all time
and it all comes true when todd comes charging through the back door
screaming bloody murder, he just can't take it anymore

of the endless drinking, the nonstop pain
surging ahead only to be discouraged again
and his eyes glitter with a distinctive gleam
the desperate boy has gone to the extremes

and the cries of glee become pleads
as todd focuses his rifle on each pre-teen
an artificial sparkle in his eyes
todd is hell-bent on getting there tonight

jenny screams as her mother steps in front of them
emotions high, willing to give the ultimate sacrifice then
if need be; todd barks at her to move, but she refuses in vehemence
and he has never believed in second chances

and as he pulls the trigger all the children scatter
somehow knowing they're not what he's after
only jenny stays behind, and her tears ran dry
that day her mother crossed the great divide.

jenny's father raced to the police station the second he heard
of the brutality that would come to shatter his world
God only knows why tragedy came to strike that day
their tenth anniversary, and jenny's birthday.


and to this day
jenny cannot bring herself to touch
even a single bite of birthday cake.


From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Sat Jan 6, 2001 9:15 pm
Subject: Poem: "Look At Me" + thanks :o)

First off...thank you guys so much. I love you for all your prayers, kind
words, and well-wishes...they mean so much to me, honestly...thank you. More
and more I come to see that while Images may be all about writing, it's also
about being connected by a common bond, by sharing the same dream. And just
knowing that, maybe, just maybe, my voice is being heard---is more than any
words, any feedback that anyone could possibly give me. While it's always
great to find a small token of recognition in your mailbox...I always smile
just having my own writing show up when I click "Read Mail". It's an awesome
feeling, and we all have Laura Nic to thank for that, of course. HREF="mailto:ohbedazzledfro@...?subject=hey laura nic! did you know that
you rock? ;)">Drop her a line sometime. She deserves it.

And now, about this thing I wrote today (lol). I really think the theme
is important...racism is everywhere. It's usually either blatantly shown off
or carefully masked to stew in its own silence, but it's still there. It's
throughout history - everyone was so frightened of another kind taking over
that their feelings turned into hate. Color became wrong, something to be
ashamed of. I doubt that that was the way people were supposed to turn out to
be.

The other day I saw a poster in my sister's third-grade classroom that
made me smile. It read: "We all bleed in the same color." And since what's
felt with the heart is always true...read on ;)

(P.S. Yes, the second and third lines in every other paragraph are meant
to be sarcastic. I saw this poem as two people with entirely different
attitudes on race trading barbs, so the poem as a whole became sort of a
commentary on racism. Please email me if you don't understand...)

"Look At Me"

neck to neck
refusing to be face to face
no one wins
in this race called hate

what did they do to you?
threatened your dignity
and invaded your mind
still it never gets to your conscience...

and the sweat on their faces
has burned in skin deep
while the satisfied keeper
lies, fast asleep

what did they do to you?
tarnished your reputation
upset your carefully constructed society
still it never gets to your heart...

brought down to their knees
weighted with shame
our unsung saviors
bear all the blame

what did they do to you?
jinxed good fortune
created unrest
and it never crossed your mind...

what they didn't do...
live up to an image
born of ignorance
still it never got to their spirit...

what did they do to you?
you've run out of reasons
backed up against a wall
of course there's no wonder
they were never guilty at all

(and you never think about)
what they did for you...
fought in a war
that they barely knew
never bothered to break the chains
but only wanted to be free
waiting for that one sweet day
they could write home to say...
"look at me".


From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Sun Jan 7, 2001 8:10 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Look At Me" + thanks :o)

good Lord, steph rocks my world! first, i awwed like you wouldnt believe at
her sweet words about me, so in this public feedback, she gets a public hug,
too, hehe! *hug* you all are talented, and if it were never for having a
convo with mah girl, amy, about writing beyond fiction, this never would've
come to be. don't forget how much she rocks, too! ;) more than that...each
and every one of you make this list what it is....without the talent and the
dedication to writing, it would be nothing. you ALL rock my world.

as for this poem....steph always leaves me with that wow factor. you done
did it again, girl! the emotion was so evident and the subject was so real.
you brought something to life that we all have to see...and hopefully, in
time, things in this world can change. one can only hope! pink always says
it right...we're all pink on the inside. great job, steph, and you know if i
had a poetry site...i'd say...can i host it? ;)~

love you guys!
laura nic



breakout.

Darkness is forever
When we create our own sorrows
Happiness becomes forbidden
As it sinks into the shadows

And while love is precious; love is fatal
Obliterating everything else in sight.
It is fond of possession, yet shies away from commitment
And gives up nothing without a fight.

But somewhere, deep inside
There is a tentative paradise
Just waiting to break free...

Of the sterile, string-free world
That hesitates to give up its foolish pride
And so I must suffer, I have to contain myself
Till one glorious day in this lifetime

When I can run to you
And put my hand in yours
And whatever has been or will be,
Will now be ours...to have and to hold.


i give thanks.

Verse 1

baby, when i look back at all the places i've been
all the circles i ran, over and over again
i must say, i am solely impressed
when i think of you, you stand out from the rest

Bridge

so much to be thankful for this year...
the love and forgiveness, the duly shared tears
i would give you my heart if you didn't already have it
i would let you read my thoughts but you already can
and i give thanks

Chorus

for the meaning in your smile
the laughter in your kiss
i would be content
just to sit here like this
with the fire set before us
along with the ones that we've made
i close my eyes against yours
and baby i give thanks

Verse 2

now what things have you kept
from your very best friend?
i search for things to say
tryin' not to say them again

Bridge

so much to be thankful for this year...
the love and forgiveness, the duly shared tears
i would give you my heart if you didn't already have it
i would let you read my thoughts but you already can
and i give thanks

Chorus

for the meaning in your smile
the laughter in your kiss
i would be content
just to sit here like this
with the fire set before us
along with the ones that we've made
i close my eyes against yours
and baby i give thanks...

(c) 2000 Steph


I hope all of your Thanksgivings were as great as mine! ;) I sat around
and got fat, lol...my church must have bought the biggest turkey in the whole
state of California :o) it was good though, so I'm not complaining...
I wrote this song really fast, so I'm still looking to change a few
things, restate a few themes...just thought I'd run it past my favorite list
first...enjoy the rest of your Thanksgiving (if you have any left, like me
:o)!

love ya~
Stephy


i'm willing to wait.

Verse 1

when you take on more than you can handle
when you bite off more than you can chew
when the rain has stopped, the storm has passed
i'll be there dripping wet with you

Bridge 1

and when you fear, the end is near
and no one's there to dry your tears
gather up your things
this is just the beginning

Chorus

of sleepless nights, of endless pain
but you have faith that things will change
you don't need me in your way
you're strong, i know you'll make it someday
in the meantime...i'm willing to wait

Verse 2

when you get lost in their lies
when you are victim to their deception
and you feel there's no one you can turn to
i'll be your exception

Bridge 2

and when you lose, your right to choose
and you've run out of supplies to use
gather up your things
this is just the beginning

Chorus

of sleepless nights, of endless pain
but you have faith that things will change
you don't need me in your way
you're strong, i know you'll make it someday
in the meantime...i'm willing to wait...

willing to wait...
willing---
to wait...

(c) 2000 Steph


welp...this marks the end of my sudden outburst, lol...i'm out of ideas
again. out of all the ones i wrote this weekend, this one is probably my
favorite...even though the line "and you've run out of supplies to use" is,
well, iffy...i still really believe in the theme. i actually wrote it for
another story i'm writing...lol, if you can believe that...i've actually been
writing about those characters for about four years and they seem so real, so
alive to me, it scares me. although i don't feel i'm ready to let anyone see
them but me ;)...i thought i'd share the song.
i've rambled on quite a bit...so i'll shut up now...good night everyone!

love ya~
Stephy

P.S. The next chapter of "Kieran" will be coming out as soon as I can think
it up, lol...*growls at the huge writer's block sitting in front of her*


From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Wed Nov 22, 2000 3:42 pm
Subject: 3 Poems...;) Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
...that I dug up when I was trying to study for this big history test we had
today...i was just flipping through my notes when I realized I must have
gotten just a *little* bored one day ;)

here is what happened:

"No One Else"

i never pretended i could tell the future
could see beyond eternity
i never said i'd ever change
but it was you who grew away from me

it should be a crime to want you so much
it's gotta be impossible to have so much need
but no one else aches for you---
no one else but me.

no one else has allowed me
to dare to stop and dream
of white lace and babies
and a gorgeous wedding.

now as i express my feelings
once and for all
shun me not
come break my fall.


"Heal My Heart"

Heal my heart
from open wounds
constant sufferings
waiting tombs

Heal my soul
from sharp blows
bleeding cuts
tortured holes

Only you have the power
To save the sweet from going sour
To save me from myself
I'd never want anyone else...

But it breaks my heart
that the very same things
that keep us together
are the ones that break us apart.


"Thoughts"

swirling, sliding
hippity hop
how long will it be
until the madness stops?

slipping, sinking
eternal fight
what if we can't help
how we end our lives?

swaying, slaying
attempts to hold on
how much longer
will we sing this swan song?

sucking, sucking---stuck
time to live
there's a place for all of us
so long as we're willing to give.


another day.

Verse 1

moonlit waters
over soft-spoken dreams
i am once again reminded
of the comfort it brings

velvet over steel
soft to the touch
i don't think i've ever,
loved you so much

Bridge

and with my thoughts scattered on the wind
and my heart on the line
i open up my arms
and swear to love you for all time

(and you say...)

Chorus

empty promises are born of this
theh right mood and a well-placed kiss
i love you too much to let you hurt this way
there is so much at risk, too much at stake
baby, please forgive me -
i'm saving this for another day

Verse 2

crystal clear waters
over smooth caroling
we laugh and we play
(we've gotten past this)
we can get through anything

and with the most heartfelt of grace
i reach and touch your face
our gazes lock, frozen as one
(remember me this way)
and you slowly smile and i am stunned

Bridge 2

i've waited so long for this very moment
when i can express without words
all the foolish things i've said but hadn't meant
and i know now it's true, you've always understood

Chorus

empty promises are born of that
words you refuse to take back
but there is so much at risk, and too much at stake
i love you too much to let you hurt this way
so baby, please forgive me -
we'll save this for another day...

Bridge 1
Chorus 2x

(i love you)


this ship.

tragic waters calm
torrid winds fall
finally at peace
but still standing tall

and the action has ceased
fires reduced to smoking
bittersweet destiny
the people have spoken

or maybe i've gone too far, i'm sorry i digress
i'll tell it like it is, the weary soldiers now rest
on this battlefield ground
with the comforting knowledge, they have passed this test

and an iron will
steady to its core
has brought with it contentment
this ship has come to shore.


yes.

you've worked so hard, you've toiled so long
and you've never had the time
to direct your passion somewhere else

and now you're ready, to make a commitment
with all the joy and torture
that goes along with it---

and how long have you contained your dreams?
when was the last time you were willing
to just, set your heart free?

because i can see it in your eyes
your laughter and your song
i can tell forever is what you've craved
but never quite let on---

so i'm asking you right now
to give in to those fears
give your desires a chance
and the dreams you once held dear

and with that steady smile
tears glowing in your eyes
you rendered me breathless
with that one soft, sweet "Yes."


sing me a song...

Sing me a song of sadness
Of regrets long overdue
Sing me a song of weakness
And I'll be there for you

Sing me a song of loss
Of depression, of the end
Sing me a song of loneliness
And I will be your friend

Sing me a song of beauty
Of elegance gone to waste
Sing me a song of righteousness
And you shall have saved the day

But sing me a song of love
Of the feelings I have not yet felt
And I shall have to ask you
To find affection somewhere else.

For I sing the song of innocence
Of purity; this much must be clear
Devotion and forever-after
Is not what I'm looking for here.

So please let me be now
Please give up this fight
If you want I can recommend someone
To be with you tonight.

She's over in that corner of the bar
The one bursting out of her shirt
If you're looking for a one-night stand
You've just hit pay dirt!


this is why.

to feed the hungry
to heal the sick
to fulfill a child's
fleeting last wish

to maintain hope
to bolster faith
to know in your heart
you've found the way

to dissolve the pain
to share the laughter
the comfort of mercy
a chance for ever after

to learn to let go
to soothe the goodbyes
you wanted to know why i do this
this is why.


your choice.

Never be satisfied with almost
Not even in jest
Nor settle with just enough
To be set apart from the rest.

Never be content with never
Not even in theory
Nor be happy with "close"
There is so much rest for the weary.

Never be ecstatic with second place
When you know full well you could have been first
Don't you dare tell me you're too tired
Too busy, or even worse

I believe in you
And if that's not enough
You should believe in yourself
The diamond in the rough

And how long will you keep this up?
How much longer will you continue to believe
You can't go any further, can't meet expectations
The secret is to ignore decrees

Push ahead while you still can
The voices in your head can only help you
And until then, you'll have to settle with dreams
When your dreams could have already come true.

It's your choice.


love and war.

all the world loves a conflict
or so it may seem
everyone turns and looks the other way
no matter how innocent one may be

and all's fair in love and war?
how can you even say that?
just because you're winning
just because they're not fighting back

imposed freedom is not the same as being free
candy stolen from babies is never as sweet
and all the hardships we've faced
what difference is another defeat?

you should know, you've been there before
lost in the web of lies, the field of dreams
no matter how much you fight it, how long you deny
they're still the same things.

and no matter how much you fight it
this disaster known as life is priceless.
you have no right to take it away from me
and i will grant you the same courtesy.

(c) 2000 Steph


Oh dear...*grins*...I loved how it started out, but I'm pretty sure I
messed it up at the end...positive and negative feedback are accepted at all
times!

love ya~
Stephy



one of these days.

there's still so much i'd love to try
have a little fun before i die
never fear and, never want
put to use what i've been taught
make a little something
out of a little, nothing
be able to back up the things i say
make someone's life a little better each day
keep a little journal of my life
rediscover pleasures as old as time
and i'd, love to sit back and relax with you
do all the things i've longed to do
surround myself with memories
anticipate all those to-bes
make my mark on this world
never hesitate to prove my worth
all these things i pray
will come to life, one of these days.

(c) 2000 Steph


LoL...yes, I do realize the supremely talented Liz sent out a poem with
the exact same name a couple days ago....which shocked me, since I wrote this
poem that same day I wrote "Someday", and then just as I've received my own
email through the list, comes Liz's poem! It was kinda freaky, actually
;)---but hey, what can I say? Great minds think alike...lol, just
kidding...feedback is always appreciated! i treasure every single piece you
guys send to me...*tears* :o)

love ya~
Stephy



forget me not.

forget me not, as i may leave
for deeper waters, for stronger dreams
forget me not, for when i am gone
our love can never stay this strong.

forget me not, please don't stand in my way
if it were my choice i would choose to stay
forget me not, i shall never stray
i will forget you not, in all my days.

forget me not, as time goes on
life forces you to carry on
forget me not, you shall find love again
don't limit yourself, there is no end

forget me not, don't ask how or why---
forget me not - for this is goodbye.


at first.

at first there was nothing, only silence.
at first there was only a tiny sliver of light.
at first there was stillness, peace in the air
but i've found it's much more fulfilling
to put up some sort of fight.

and at first there was little to do with hopes and dreams
at first there was emptiness, sorrow and tears.
at first there was uncertainty, a kind of hopelessness
but then, suddenly -
gentleness, in the place of fear.

so how do we explain this, how are we to say
that these feelings are here to stay?
who are we to believe, to assert this way
how do we know to keep the danger at bay?

i shuddered and sighed, started to deny-

but then...remembrance came to bless me
remembrance came to share
angels came to watch over me
pulling me from despair

and reminded me -

of the love and tenderness brought to the light-
how i had come to love you, at first sight.


something more.

spoken:

and this started how most things begin
in your time of need, you turn to a friend
like you have all those times before
you're comforted to end, then fall into something more

Chorus

something more, something far deeper than you thought possible
where you saw extraordinary strength you now see tenfold
you become attached, you can't ever seem to get enough
and you fall into something more---two best friends in love

Verse 1

and you have, grown up together
known each other forever
never been apart more than a day
took for granted, that that was the way

(and we found)

Chorus

Bridge

it would always be, you and me
two souls lost in harmony
and only accidentally discovered
best friends are the best of lovers

(and we found)

Chorus

and this started how most things begin
in your time of need, you turn to a friend
like you have all those times before
you're comforted to end, then fall into something more...

Bridge
Chorus to fade

(c) 2000 Steph


:o)...I love the meaning of this song, hehe. I've been writing about two
best friends who fall in love just about ever, I almost think they're real
people sometimes, lol. I'm a freak, I know. Have a great evening! ;)

love ya~
Stephy


the greatest tragedy.

Verse 1

we try to deny the influence
of those around us
and we try to forget who we were
forgetting it made us who we are now

Bridge 1

and we disown our fathers
and turn away our brothers
how much good does that prove
how much time will pass by---

Chorus

before we realize, we're only cheating ourselves
before we find out the joke's on us
we've lost all those years
and we, never really learn to trust
we never really do give our love
and that's the greatest tragedy of all

Verse 2

so many chances, have passed us by
without a care, nor a tear in our eyes
we choose our own destiny---
well, that's not the way it should be

Bridge 2

and we, shut the door on our past
and try to make a new identity
we limit ourselves, never cross lines
and it comes to haunt us every time

Bridge 1
Chorus 2x


love like this.

hold me tight when we're close
give me what i need the most
and adore me when we touch
give me the love i crave so much
be someone that i will trust.

and savor our moments together
treasure our lives together
make them last a lifetime
so your heart will become mine
our souls forever intertwined.

how can i show you that this is real
nothing will ever change the way i feel
not wind, sun, rain nor fire
nor the intensity of another's desire
for you i shall not tire.

this i promise, deep in my heart
you are the only reason we are apart
so come to me now, and you'll not
have a single regret, for love like this can't be taught
only given, shared, cherished and never forgot.

(c) 2000 Steph


Yep...here I am again. I don't think I've ever expressed in words how
grateful I am for all of you on this list, constantly giving me feedback and
support. I can safely say this is the best, most tightly knit "family"
(awwww....) I have ever been in, and I can't thank you guys enough. You guys
make me constantly want to be better than I am, and that was a
near-impossible feat before, lol. So thank you. Images has definitely been
one of the greatest inspirations in my life.

love ya~
Stephy


listen with your heart.

Verse 1

my mother says
it's time to want what you have,
and to put your needs aside.
well, i say
what you have ain't enough
but too much to keep inside.

and while daddy's out
with the good ol' boys
go out there
and make your choice
stay here in Anytown, USA
or follow that golden voice
(the impossible dream...)

Bridge

And find a way out of here
Find a way to end the pain
Find a way to regain the hope
That you lost somewhere 'long the way

Chorus

And, learn how to love yourself
And discover you're not always to blame
And, regain the hope you somehow misplaced
Listen with your heart and you'll always find the way

Verse 2

I feel the sunshine on my shoulders
and i feel the hope in my veins
and i know, i know
even when life gets colder
there's still gonna be a way out
i'm gonna make it someday
(just you wait)

you don't have to believe in me now
you can keep on goin' your own way
because i have faith
that somewhere, somehow
i'll be makin' it on my own
baby, come what may

(and just listen...)

Bridge
Chorus to fade


it's you.

it's the little things that get me
the quiet words that make me long for you
the gentle caresses in the heat of the night
that make me swear to love you forever.

and it's the finishing touches that move me
that make me smile when there's absolutely no reason to
that make me burn even when you're not around
and pray for constant forgiveness for wrongs.

it's the feelings you evoke in me that make me stay
that make me believe in myself
that coax me to entrust my life in your hands
and long to live forever just to be with you.

it's the joy I've found in your arms, and in your heart
that push me to be so much more than I ever thought I could
that help me up when I fall, that teach me to be self-sufficient
and yet still crave the security of your soul.

and it's the faith I have that will last me for years beyond existence
that show me how to love again, how to let myself be loved
that allow myself to reach out to you but still stay true to myself
and the independence I've worked so hard to attain.


serenity.

they wouldn't call it work
if it wasn't hard
and if glass were meant to be broken
it wouldn't break into shards

and they say rules are meant to be broken
well that's a tough call
never have i the urge
to do ninety into a wall

and a penny saved is a penny earned
somehow, in this less than penny-pinching world
while innocence is lost before we
ever realize how much it's worth

and the things i've learned along the way
will have to keep me till my dying day
until the sun sets on me
and i melt into serenity.


"I Will"

i feel your pain, though you try to hide it
as keenly as if it were my own.
and i seek your security of your arms
as one would seek its home.

i know the emptiness that follows
the flickering of the flame.
and i know how you were burned
and led to think you were to blame.

so now i'm here to change your mind
unburden your heart, and ease your pain.
i'm here to love you senseless
and afterward keep you sane.

and i'll never make a promise
i won't be able to keep.
and i'll never swear my love
to trap you next to me.

and you wonder how i know
how i can be so sure
that this love is fated
destined to work?

because...

i feel your pain, though you try to hide it
as keenly as if it were my own.
and i seek your security of your arms
as one would seek its home.

and now i'm here because i always will, to
unburden your heart, and ease your pain.
i'm here to love you senseless
and afterward keep you sane.

and i'll never make a promise
i won't be able to keep.
and i'll never swear my love
to trap you next to me.

and you wonder, in the midst of the storm
will i keep the fire of our love going still?
and i will, babe...
i will.

(c) 2000 Steph


I have no idea where I got the inspiration for this...maybe because I was
listening to the new 98* CD! :o)...it's pretty good, go out and get it! My
favorite song has to be "The Way You Do"...I'm not sure why I like it, I just
do...*g*...anyway, I'm not sure this is where I wanted to go with this poem,
or if the title goes with the theme, but...I just had to share with some of
my favorite people...so, critique away! :o)

love ya~
Stephy


From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Wed Sep 27, 2000 8:40 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "I Will" OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
Public feedback for Stephy...loved this, girl...soooo much, and I second your
notion about the 98* CD and song. *giggle* Anyway, this girl is oozing with
talent, so show her the love she deserves, ok? Much love to all of you..


thanks to you.

Verse 1

the greatest of desires
and the purest of pleasure
have led this weary soldier to find
the greatest of treasures

and the simplest indulgences
and the sweetest of loves
have brought us together
and babe, it never seems enough

Bridge

and i will never be able to repay
all that you've given to me
and now all i've dreamed of
has become reality...

Chorus

thanks to you (thanks to you)
thanks to you
we've captured the glory
of love tried and true
thanks to you...

Verse 2

and the finest of healing
and the beginnings of bliss
i never imagined, it would
come to this

(with the)
the brightest of smiles
and the most devoted of care
are cemented by the knowledge
that you'll, always be there

Bridge
Chorus 2x

thanks---
to you...


"The Answer"

take up where you left off
take it in stride, like a rock
until you reach the final dimension
everything else is beyond human comprehension

it's too much to take it this far
it's too much to take without scarring
the soft underbelly of life
that cannot possibly take this much fight

particles of life float around
they never sink, nor ever fall down
they support themselves to the greatest degree
why can't it be that easy for me?

the answer lies in the road i have yet to take
there are so many wrong ways, but too much at stake
but i will conquer, overcome, persevere
so i can finally discover what i'm doing here.



"I Believe"

I believe in life this much is understood
Everything changes and nothing is pure
Nor safe from harm's way
Nor the consequences from choices that we've made

I believe that children must be taught to learn
But never underestimated or left unheard.
Believe in the beauty of their dreams,
Learn to live and love and be seen.

I believe that the future is in our hands
Up to us to comprehend and understand
And it's never too late to try
And never wrong to question why

I believe that the world is a better place
If we learn to laugh at ourselves and save face
See the glass as half full and not empty,
With more than enough room for plenty.

I believe there's more to life than what's to be seen
Much more than work and play and everything in between
And we should never be content with never being free,
Nor take for granted one's company.

Forever in our hearts
One's true love and pain
Forever in our hearts
Only truth shall remain.

© 2000 Steph


Hehe...most of y'all are sleeping right now, on the East Coast! ;D...so I
decided to raise some thunda in yo' mailboxes! LoL...well, it sounded better
than hell...

love ya~
Stephy


From: Lailey623@...
Date: Wed Sep 20, 2000 5:36 pm
Subject: It's nice to have someone...It's nice to know...A Poem Lailey623@...
Send Email
Hi everybody! I wrote this just now. I was inspired by one of you actually.
I received some wonderful feedback on a poem that i wrote and sent out last
night. As you probably guessed if you read it, I was not having the best
night, and receiving such kind words about my work made me feel a little
better. I know that most of you will probably relate to this, it is after
all the reason why we are all here...So without further adu...
love yas
Lauren

"It's nice to have someone...It's nice to know..."
Its nice to have someone
Just one person who appreciates my art
Its nice to have someone
Who sees my work as more then a waste of time
Its nice to know someone
Who sees what I write as beautiful and flowing
Its nice to know
that my efforts have not gone unheralded
Its nice to know someone
Who I can say understands the message I am trying to convey


Thanks Steph...This one was for you!! If you haven't guessed already. lol



From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Wed Sep 20, 2000 6:12 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} It's nice to have someone...It's nice to know...A Poem Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
Ohmigosh...jeez...Lauren! LAUREN!! Ya missed the damn parade! LoL...I was
JUST talking to her, and decided to check my email after she left...and...I
was totally not expecting something like this...so, thank you! Don't worry
hun, I just tell it like I see it---it's all you! ;D---I don't deserve any
credit for about how rockin' you are, but I appreciate the sentiment, hehe.
Plus...I always get a lot of support from this list, so I can't help but
overflow with it and give back, right? Hehe...I know how you feel! I love all
of you guys! *hugs all around*

later~
Stephy



"The Greatest Feeling"

it's not about the fame
the money, nor the fortune
the toys, or the presents
no, it has nothing to do with
or the constant attention

it's really about the faith
and the hope you give to others
the joy on the children's faces
the smiles on the parents'
as they rediscover one another.

the most rewarding part is the love
you pass on, and the peace
that settles in your soul
that overflows your heart
when you gain serendipity.

and at the end of the road
at the end of the fight
the greatest feeling
is knowing that, somehow
you've done things right.


pray.

the fire in his eyes blaze
i can smell the heat and taste the hate
and here i stand, hoping against hope
and believing against faith
that he will seize the day and pray

for forgiveness, for his many sins
patience, for soul-searching within
for hope, to make his spirit free
and for love, of which he has with me

once again, he stands alone
he is destitute, without a home
i reach for him with open arms
and he kneels for all he's worth
and we pray for all we know...

for forgiveness, for our many sins
patience, for soul-searching within
for hope, to make our spirits free
and for love, of which he has with me
and i with him

and we ask our Father to marry us then...

(c) 2000 Steph

This poem goes deep for me...hope it does the same for you guys! ;D

love ya~
Stephy


"What's In A Heart?"

What's in a heart
that cannot love
That shuns hope
That has had "enough"

What's in a heart
that cannot be free
That lives its life
In unadultered misery

What's in a heart
that rings so true
That always sees the glass
As half full

What's in a heart
that believes in fate
That never fails
And never fades

What's in a heart
that carries me through
When love is blind
And pain is true

What's in a heart
That lives to breathe
When it is trapped
Who sets it free?
Who lets it be?


What's in my heart
overflows with emotion
It's impossible to be sad
when faced with true devotion.

(c) 2000 Steph
(September 12)


From: "DJ B"
Date: Wed Sep 13, 2000 7:41 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "What's In A Heart?" ImChrisSexyChica@...
Send Email
Public Feedback for da' Stephanator! *g* Can I get an amen!? I was feeling
this poem biiig time!! I could relate to every last line. You are a
talented writer chica! I do believe the block has been broken * throws
pixie stix and confettin in the air* Time to paaaartaaay! *g*

~~ DJ


untitled...(as of yet, any suggestions? ;D)

we wax poetic about whom we care
we devote our lives to those we share
but when everything has been said and done
where does that leave us?

we pledge eternal devotion to our loved ones
we promise the world to our sons
but at the end of the rainbow, after the rain
who is there to help us through our grief?

and we say, good things come to those who wait
but at the finish line it's all the same
pomp and circumstance, and love and adoration
who sees through the hasty vows then?

and is one person enough for a nation
can the power of one create new sensations
will we listen to the one willing to make a difference
or will we let that chance pass us by?

we have been duped before by a hero, hence
our slightly more objective decisions since
but it's up to us to put in that trust
and leave it to faith, finally.

(c) 2000 Steph

Hey everyone! It's FRIDAY!! *stands up and cheers* Whoo-hoo!! Y'all have
no idea how happy I am just cuz it's Friday, lol. Lemme tell you right now,
tennis is GRUELING. It's so much fun but at the end of the day you just wanna
fall down. I can barely stand up in the shower, lol, which causes a lot of
problems but we won't go into those right now...
Anyway---I've been working on this poem for quite a while, and it's been
a great relief to finally have it done. Does anyone else know/love that
feeling? It's like, I can stop worrying about it now, I can stop wondering
what I'm going to put down on that paper next, cuz it's all "said and done"!
Yay!
Have a great weekend everyone!

love ya~
Stephy


"Growing Up"

i still call my father Daddy,
Even though Mama has turned into Mom.
It's hard to stagger through the day sometimes,
Hard to find the strength to go on.

But go on I must,
For there is still so much
I need to accomplish,
so long to go before I can rest.

and sometimes it's hard to find inspiration
hard to find rhyme and reason
to the ups and downs of life;
difficult to find something to believe in.

but that's when memories of my childhood
Kick in, and I start to smile again;
The sun seems to shine brighter
And my happiness is without end.

It's too easy to give up
And too simple to give in
And that's why you sit back
Close your eyes, and let love in,
for the days are long
and the nights far longer
but when you finally emerge
from the deep dark hole---
you'll be much stronger.

and i still call my father Daddy,
even though Mama has turned into Mom.
It's hard to stagger through the day sometimes,
Hard to find the strength to go on.

so this is growing up.

(c) 2000 Steph
(September 5th)


"Picture of My World"

i'm off now to take a picture of my world
love and laughter and fun
all wrapped up in just one girl

but if you look a little closer
care a little more
maybe you'll seel, all i'm living for

because there is chaos and confusion
i am war and peace
there is so much passion
deep inside of me
but if you really want to know me
what i'm all about
if you want to see my life unfurled
take a picture of my world...

reckless, endless discovery
time and time again
distant enigma, unsolved mystery

though i have yet to find my place
on this great big earth
there is so much i've already faced

because if you look a little closer
care a little more
maybe you'll see, all i'm living for...

because there is chaos and confusion
i am war and peace
there is so much passion
deep inside of me
but if you really want to know me
what i'm all about
if you want to see my life unfurled
take a picture of my world...

and amidst the sorrow
just beyond the fear
i am almost ready to face tomorrow...

though there is chaos and confusion
and i am war and peace
there is so much passion
deep inside of me
but if you really want to know me
what i'm all about
if you want to see my life unfurled
take a picture of my world...

i'm off now to take a picture of my world
love and laughter and fun
all wrapped up in just one girl...


"Life's Too Short"

(challenge me to new heights
places I've never been before
glorify the meaning of succeed
teach me how to soar... )

realize your personal life will always be like this:
around and around it goes
can't be stopped or even controlled
and where it stops---everyone knows

don't get trapped in a fishbowl
where everyone around you knows your name
but no one cares when it's your time to need
your time to hurt, cry out to deaf ears in pain.

don't live your life like that.
life's too short to sacrifice so much.
always know once it's been you'll never get it back
absorb only from those you trust.

let not a bitter heart leave you the same way
it's never good to have your feelings someone elses'.
put faith in one thing and never change
and in the end you'll have pride in yourself.

sometimes it's good to just let yourself go.
it's okay sometimes to let yourself cry.
just don't go so far you're left alone
without even a reason why.

and running from the past
only makes your chest hurt.
if you want to make it last
make sure you get all it's worth.

sleep will not dull away the pain
nor fade away the anger
help yourself when it rains
by helping out a stranger.

achieve your own goals, your life's plans
before you reach out to another.
for the one day you're left empty-handed
there will never be another.

chances aren't something you should waste
take what you give
and give what you take.
there is no use in petty fibs.

they only lead to more
and soon you'll be in over your head
wishing you'd have tkaen
the other way instead.

don't live your life like that.
life's too short to sacrifice so much.
and always know that once it's been,
you'll never get it back.

(c) 2000 Steph

Wow, this is deep, lol. I don't think I've written anything so deep for a
very, very long time. This was definitely a once in a lifetime thing, and I'm
thrilled to be able to share it with you guys. I really, really believe in
everything in this poem, it's the kind of writing that amazes you when you
read it a couple hours later...I'm surprised I could insert all this into one
poem. It's a little long, so I hope you aren't asleep yet...:o) As always,
Stephy loves feedback!

love ya~
Steph


From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Fri Sep 8, 2000 5:02 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Life's Too Short" OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
A lil bit of public feedback for Miss Steph, because I don't think I've done
this in awhile, and it's more than deserved. *applauds* Yes, this certainly
was a profound piece, but as always when it comes to this girl's work...it
rocked...hardcore. The talent is amazing. Give the props where they're due!
;)

Love you all,
Laura Nic


From: SuperSweets79@...
Date: Fri Sep 8, 2000 7:33 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Life's Too Short" SuperSweets79@...
Send Email
Public FB for Steph!! Girl, you just rock. :) That's all there is to it. This
poem sums it up perfectly...love it!!! :)

Love,
Angela


From: GoBoyGoWitDaFRO@...
Date: Fri Sep 8, 2000 11:31 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Life's Too Short" GoBoyGoWitDaFRO@...
Send Email
can i tell you how much i agree life is too short? i was in an accident on
wednesday.. never have i been so scared.. if i didnt have my seat belt on i
wouldnt be alive today.. but still its so scary.. just be thankful for what
you have and cherish your time on earth.. you never know when the gift of
life wil be taken from you


precious moments

laughter in the rain
a slow bedtime kiss
these are the precious moments
i have come to cherish.

a late morning drive
lazy sunday afternoons
these are the precious moments
i've learned to love from you.

snuggling under the covers
cuddling under the stars
these are the precious moments
that have healed all my scars.

quiet moments of sharing
a lifetime of smiles
these are the precious moments
that have made life worthwhile.

(c) 2000 Steph

Whoa...I found this lying around in my files and realized it was done.
When I'd first started it, I was planning on expanding it a little more---but
I like the way it is not. Short and sweet. What do y'all think?

love ya~
Stephy


"Confined"

Verse 1:
i'm moving out my stuff tonight
it's time to move on
i've packed up all my old junk
but the memories aren't yet gone

Bridge:
it's hard to believe we're over
it's impossible for me to not think of you sometimes
or wake up in the middle of the night and reach for you
and find myself in my own bed, confined

Chorus:
To a life of darkness
An eternity of silence
Cut off from the rest of the world
Left without its finest
Having to settle for second best
When will I lay you to rest?

Verse 2
I lie awake, restless
As your voice, your face, your smile taunt me
There is no sleep for the hopeless
Only emptiness, a sense of need

I try to make your image
A fleeting memory
I try to convince myself
There will be others for me

Bridge
Chorus to fade

And when will I lay you to rest?
You are the dull ache in my chest...

(c) 2000 Steph

I can't thank Amanda enough for her ideas and feedback on this song! I
couldn't have written it without her! *hug* I'm feeling a little melancholy
tonight (i LOVE that word) so I just started typing...
Feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated (and desired)!

love ya~
Steph


Well, lookie here, Steph is waxing poetic, obsessing over the
over-obsessed...and guess what? She managed to write a poem that seems to
travel all over the place before settling down. That's how I see this poem...

"Don't Go, My Love"

don't go, my love
let not the darkness settle around you
and make you less than whole,
the way i know you to be.
don't go, my love.

don't go, my love.
you're stronger than you think you are
you're far greater than anyone could comprehend.
you're more beautiful than you allow yourself to be
so don't go, my love.

don't leave me here, forever longing for your return.
don't leave me behind, so I'd never see your face again.
whatever you do, wherever you go
that's where i want to be as well.
maybe you've heard that promise before.
i am here to prove my love once more.
i will be there to make sure you're sure.

so don't go, my love.
no matter where your life's journey takes you
no matter how far you stray from the actual path
i will be there holding your hand
and making sure you are loved.
that's the way our lives should be.

don't go, my love.
don't go, my love....
don't go.

(c) 2000 Steph

all together now....AWWWW...lol, j/k...



"No One Shall Love" (working title, couldn't think of anything else LoL)

i can feel it in my bones
and i can feel it in my veins
loving you will bring me
nothing but pain.

it's nothing against you personally
and i'm not questioning your desire
i'm just so afraid of disappointing you
for i can't go much higher.

it's not that i don't want to love you
it's not that i don't want to care
it's just that i can't watch you walk away
and leave me in despair

and maybe you're right
maybe if i don't try i'll never really trust
and maybe you're wrong
either way, i'll never let myself fall in love.

and we can't stay in touch
you can't be my friend
what's the whole point
when we both know the inevitable end?

please go now, i can't take much more
and whatever you do, please don't cry
i could never take seeing you break down
knowing i'm the reason why

someday you'll learn to forgive me
maybe one day you'll even forget
just know you're forever in my thoughts
that's as close as i'll ever let you get.

i wish you the best of luck
and will keep you in my prayers
i just hope i can stand the emptiness
when i wake up and find you're not there.

please don't try to change my mind
i've made my choice, no turning back
i love you, but we can't be together
just take it and accept it as a fact.

but i have just one last request
it'll be the only thing i ever ask of you
i know it's a tough pill to swallow
even after all i've put you through
love me tonight like there's no tomorrow
for there isn't, i need to keep my feelings repressed

but---this is a promise, tried and true
no one shall love as i've loved you.

(c) 2000 Steph

I've had this done for a little while---I've just been a little scared of
sending it out, and I'm not even sure why. Oh well...
Today was my first day of school and it was hectic. All my classes are
hard already, I have like a semi-huge assignment for English that will
probably take me from now to like four-thirty tomorrow morning. Plus I have
tennis, so that means no P.E. (yess!!) but I have to play till 4:30 every
afternoon, which exhausts me. I can barely stand up in the shower. Then I get
a little better, but my brain is dead, so I kinda have a hard time doing
homework.
Okay, I did not mean to complain---so just enjoy the poem...

love ya-
Steph

P.S. Hey Laura Nic..."Resident goob checkin' in..." *watches as she gives me
a Look* oh, never mind...:o)


"She Dreams in Color"

you ask her why she asks so many questions
you ask her why she's so eager to discover
the answers to the great questions of life
you really wanna know?
she dreams in color

you wonder why she never stops smiling
you wonder why she doesn't walk but skips
instead, happy-go-lucky, carefree
the answer?
read her lips

you're curious why she dances to music in her head
you're curious why she hums nonstop
she's like sunshine and you're so jealous
well?
her daddy told her once and she never forgot

keep your chin up baby girl
tomorrow's another day
you can fret and worry and analyze
or you can go outside to play
daddy loves you, always remember
he's one man in your life that'll always be there
you're the light of my life, the apple of my eye
keep your eye on the ball and always play fair

and no matter where you go, and no matter what you do
always remember what daddy told you:
for ultimate happiness, the kind you can't
always count on from a lover:
always dream in color.

(c) 2000 Steph

Hey guys...I'm a little bothered by this one, I think it's a little
awkward. I liked the idea a lot though, so I tried to elaborate on it.
Needless to say...it's a lot harder than it looks, lol.
later!

~Steph


From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Tue Aug 29, 2000 7:49 pm
Subject: hey shannon! friendly warning: DELETE THIS!! Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
OOPS...guess you missed the delete button. Well, as long as you're
here...start reading.

"When Do You Stop?"

When do you stop missing someone
Stop wishing they were right there with you
A heartened soul, a kindred spirit
Life just isn't life without you in it

It doesn't matter to those outside us
It shouldn't bother anyone out of the loop
It's only ours, only to be shared, rejoiced,
Mourned, put to rest---by the whole group

When do you stop missing someone
Stop thinking there's something you absolutely have to know
Then turn around, and then take on the horrible truth
As it passes you by and you struggle to let go.

My only wish is that you may understand
Help me through this time, offer a gentle hand
Let me lean on you and let me be support to others
And together our release we'll discover

Till then we wonder...

When do you stop missing someone
Stop wishing they were right there with you
A heartened soul, a kindred spirit
Life just isn't life without you in it

(c) 2000 Steph

There we go. Some real writing posted here. Happy now? I'm surprised
Laura Nic didn't set a record and ban two people from the list in one day. I
would've kicked your ass, to put it nicely. My name is Steph and I've been on
this list a short time compared to all the others, maybe two or three months.
It didn't take long for me to feel "one of them". Hope your journey is just
as smooth.
In closing:
They say a first impression is everything.
You've got a long way to go, kid.

~Steph


"feelings"

feelings, deeply intense
even when i don't want them to be
feelings, cut through me
leaving me in the past tense
as i stand and watch it go.

feelings, that hurt me
tear me apart like nobody's business
feelings, that undress
my soul, leaving me bleeding
too much for me, i know.

feelings, that ring so true
that seem so deceptively right
feelings, that have been tried
and are strong enough to fight you
leaving me with no ground below.

feelings, that are so painfully erased
even while still hoping for a better ending
feelings, that look for a new beginning
a new place to hone its dreams of grace
somewhere to nurse them slow.

feelings, that slowly eat me alive
nibbling away at my soul
feelings, that take me in whole
that swallow me up to the emptiness inside
and leave me reeling, unprepared for the next blow.

feelings.

(c) 2000 Steph

This isn't much of anything...it's just something I'm identifying with
right now, and I just figured on paper was as good a place as any to let them
out.
I'm sending this right now only cuz I feel really stupid for that apology
letter---which came RIGHT AFTER eGroups finally decided to send out my other
note. Jeez. Anyway, I don't expect feedback, I'm not trying to distract
anyone from anything---I just wanted to make sure you don't think I'm a
freakin' idiot or anything. So...just read it over and kinda disregard it.
It's not my favorite piece either, so---talk to y'all later.

~Steph

P.S. I totally agree with Laura Nic and Angela - Lucky, you have no reason to
be sorry. In fact, I thank you for telling her off. My note to her was a
little on the nasty side, but it didn't reflect what I was really feeling. A
couple emails later, you did it all for me. Thanks.



"All We Need"

all we need is a little more faith
a little more love in our lives
a little more room for a little more heart
a little more sparkle in our beautiful eyes

all we can give is a little more support
a little more encouragement to save the day
a little more attention to minor details
a little more guidance to show the way

all we can receive is a little more advice
a little more love from those who really care
a little more passion from those who truly believe
a little more trust from those who've been there

all we can ask for is a little more decency
a little more patience, to bite back your tongue
a little more kindness, a welcome smile
a little more prayer, when you feel all is done

all we want is a little more acceptance
a little more tolerance, to stop the hate
a little more common sense, to jump back in time
a little more selflessness, to become great

and all we need is a little more faith
a little more love in our lives
a little more room for a little more heart
and little more sparkle in our beautiful eyes.

© Steph 2000

Hmm...this is kinda written on the spur of the moment. It's a little bit
of venting, since I really can't stand how gross and corrupt some people have
become, and/or continue to be. It just disgusts me how we can mistreat our
world and society the way we do, how we take the building blocks of our lives
for granted and make "big jokes to make other people feel little" (direct
quote from "The Joy Luck Club," which we have to read this summer---see how
young I am? lol...) It's not the most original, I know---"hate" and "great"?
"care" and "there"? *sighs*...I'm not too happy with that, but I do like that
the words in front of them are different, and that I've finally found a good
rhythm. I sit down and write something every night, usually a poem, no matter
how crappy it is. I spend a lot of the day working it out (see how great
summer is?) and then fine-tune it at night, or just write all my thoughts
down...*looks back at all she's written* good gosh, that's right, i'm writing
to people that actually have lives and don't need to read all this junk!
so...later days!


"Listen to the Wind"

when i'm tired and i can't go much further
down this road we call life
i sit down and i listen to the wind
and it tells me which way is right

when i'm sick and i can't stand by myself
and i can't seem to focus at all
i climb into bed and listen to the wind
and it forces me to stand tall

when i'm sad and i can't seem to cheer up
and i don't really feel like i'm myself
i crouch down and listen to the wind
and it tells me i'm lucky i'm not anyone else

when my confidence hits a pinnacle
and i feel like i'm floating
i stand proud and listen to the wind
and it tells me i could be doing better things than gloating

when i grow old and feel useless
just an old bag of bones
i tip my face toward the sky and listen to the wind
and it shames me, for it continues to blow.


From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 10:41 am
Subject: Journal Entry...(you don't have to read it) Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
*note: since my whole title didn't fit in the subject line, I'm putting
it down here*

=============================================================
Journal Entry: on first impressions, the beauty of the Internet and
everything in between
=============================================================

You know...it's funny how the Internet can bring so many people together.
I was looking over Lauren's poem-in-disguise "Individuality"...and the kinds
of thoughts it evoked in me were swirling around so much I just had to write
it all down.
There are certain kinds of people---and I am trying so, so hard to
correct this on my part---that intimidate me the second I see them. I see
them, and go, "Oh God, please let me not make a fool of myself in front of
them, please let me not trip over my feet like I usually do," and I usually
blush when I walk past them. They are in no way bad, I never try to make any
judgments or anything...I'm just intimidated easily, I suppose. Suddenly I
can't talk, can't seem to breathe very well.
And the same thing goes for my crush. I mean, I spent all of last year in
the same classroom with him---and I talked to him twice. TWICE. That means,
two times. And I wasn't overwhelmed---it wasn't like, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE
TALKED TO ME!!! I'm not like that. I mean, I may be only 15---but "only 15"
is a bit of an oxymoron. Sure, I like *NSYNC, I like Backstreet Boys---and I
could care less, actually, if they're copying each other. They're made from
the same cookie cutter, my friends---deal with it. (But that's a different
story...)
I'm pretty sure I still like him---even though he's a little immature.
He's a year older than me, he'll be a junior next year---and he still makes
paper cones and sticks them in his nose to gross these other girls
out...*sigh*...I don't know what to say about that. He's a football player,
but he's really, really skinny---I'm pretty sure he's a wide receiver or
something like that, defensive end. And I'm pretty much a natural athlete, I
play tennis, do a little swimming, volleyball, and softball---I love
baseball, especially the San Francisco Giants, who rock so hard it's not even
funny.
Anyway...once again, about the beauty of the Internet. It's brought us
all together even though we're totally different, even though most of you are
older than me and, should you have seen me in person, probably wouldn't have
become as close as y'all have been. So, yes, first impressions DO make a huge
difference, at least at first---heh heh, yep, there's your words of wisdom
straight from me. And sad as it may seem, people do make their first
judgments on the physical side of things---it's up to you, later, when you
get closer to them, to change their mind.
And that's all I have to say, about that.

love ya!

~Steph


From: "DJ B"
Date: Tue Aug 22, 2000 6:28 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Journal Entry...(you don't have to read it) ImChrisSexyChica@...
Send Email
Steph -

Girl, everything you write seems to just astound me! This was such an
awesome piece of revelation so to speak. All of us, brought together by the
internet, some of us becoming the best of friends ((hugs to all mah gyrls)).
Would we have spoke had we passed on the same sidewalk? Who knows? But
it's aaaalll good, because every last one of you are da' bomb! *grins*

~~ DJ


"The Best of Both Worlds"

rock my world, babe
make each second count
strive every day
to become the one
i dream about

touch me to fire
throw me to flames
and then, like a shining knight
come for my soul to claim.

cherish me like no other
never let me out of sight
for out of sight, out of mind
and i could not live without you in my life.

make the most of our time together
laugh and i'll dry your tears
smile and i swear like i've never
cry and i'll revisit my fears

shower me with love and affection
make my world rain joy and happiness
i promise you have all my attention
there would be no one more blessed

spin me around on our wedding day
kiss me and i'll know without words
that you'll never forget, come what may
and let us have the best of both worlds.

© Steph 2000

Welp...yep, it's almost 11:30 and I was pretty sure I had no more
inspiration left...but hey---it's worth a shot. What do y'all think? I can't
thank you enough for the constant feedback and support, it really helps me a
lot. In fact, it's high time I sent out a thank-you letter---Amanda just said
everything for me, love ya babe! *hug*
Also---Jena...prayers and best wishes go out to you---I was terrified a
little while ago, maybe a couple months, when someone emailed one of the
mailing lists I was on with their suicide note. I was unbelievably scared
then---so I can't imagine the kind of things running through your mind
now---but God bless you and be with you.

~Steph


"Sometimes I Wish"

sometimes i wish i could run away
run far, far into the horizon
where my problems are not my own
and i can remain undecided

sometimes i wish i could fly away
and glide by your side
where, suddenly, your problems were mine
and there is no such thing as time

and sometimes i wish i could disappear
make believe and have no fear
of love and tenderness and all those big words
i really do so long to hear.

sometimes i wish i could move away
far, far away where i can live out my dreams
the big and small ones and the ones in between
and be able to say what i really mean

instead of cowering here in the corner
hoping for whatever it is beyond the sun
and be able take your hand and kiss you
and let two hearts melt into one.

(c) Steph 2000

I wrote this last night, right after I got back from the airport. I don't
know what inspired me, I guess I was just really bored because my dad
wouldn't let me go online cuz he was expecting a call (that never came, btw).
Oh well...
Vegas was so cool...I was in the same city as Tom Jones, Sting, Julio
Iglesias---and ONE HOTEL away from Enrique Iglesias. I mean, like, my hotel
was literally next door to the one he was performing in. (Julio was at the
Mirage, I think it was, which was about a block from my hotel---the new Paris
one...) He performed last night---an HOUR after I got on the plane to go
home. I mean, I wanted to go home and everything...but he was sooooo close.
Oh, and I was eating dinner at this really expensive restaurant (because
it was my mom's birthday), and guess who was sitting behind me? Jeannie, from
"I Dream of Jeannie". It was really her, she's about 60 now but she's really
pretty, it's unfair. She looks kinda like Dolly Parton without the *coughs*
but the same kind of blond hair and everything. I laughed so hard when she
got up to go the bathroom with her bodyguard and this lady from another table
suddenly found she had to go too...
Anyway...I'll let y'all go now, I know you have better things to do than
listen to me ramble...love ya!

~Steph


"A Part of Me"

flashes of light
torches of flame
eye of the beholder
who's to blame?

intense blue eyes
staring into mine
midnight cat
lives of nine

just for a second
stop and think
wonder and ponder
the meaning of succeed

fields of gold
gardens of green
surround me now
and feed my dreams

but most of all
become a part of me
and there we will live
and love endlessly

(c) Steph 2000

Whoa...I found this poem lying in my PFC and realized I haven't thought
about it for about a week and a half, and I decided to finish it and just
did. What do y'all think? I know I'm just kinda bursting with stuff today
(well, not exactly, considering it's only two poems) but I've been gone for a
week, lol. Thanks for all the feedback, I really appreciate it. It makes me
feel loved...*all together now* AWWWW....no, lol, j/k. I started this poem
when I was feeling a little moody and a little pissed, that's how the
"torches of flame" come out, but today I'm happier and it ends nicely. I
don't know if I like it or not, though. I'm not sure if I should switch gears
so fast, considering it's not exactly a long poem. Oh well...here I go
again...

love,
Steph

P.S. For anyone who cares expect major updates on my site in the next few
days!! I've been on vacation, and also, tennis practice starts this week...


"A Shining Light"

a shining light
pours down on earth
and nothing can compare
to what it's worth

to finally be, able to see
the pure innocence
inside of me
that simply won't be denied
i can no longer hide

that i am no longer me
but merely a part of myself
i've lost me going through the pages
of a biography of someone else
a mere stranger to me
goodness untold
the secrets i have
are not yours to hold

they are only mine.


"One Last Wish"

Verse 1
the ticking in the distance
is not the grandfather clock in the den
rather, it's the unsteady beat of my heart
as i wait for it all to end

Bridge:
you came to me one day and said you were sick
and i told you i would give up everything to nurse you
until you were okay again
and you looked at me, smiled sadly and said

Chorus:
Honey it ain't that easy
That's not the way it goes
Life ain't for the pleasers
This much I know
And now it's almost my time
Almost time for me to leave
But I have one last wish
And that's to see you happy

Verse 2:
I sank down to my knees and cried
When the breath left your lungs
I could not stand the overwhelming sensations
Of being alone, my dreams untouched
For without you there, neither am I
I hear no harmony, and seek no light
But then I remember your last words
And it all comes rushing back
The sweetly faint things I heard

Chorus
Bridge
Chorus to fade

Welp...believe it or not, my first dream is to be a songwriter...you
probably couldn't tell with all the poems I've been cranking out. But now
I've found I can pretty much be happy writing a little bit of everything; for
instance, I'm working on a short story right now. I started out wanting to be
an author, actually, and I still keep that dream alive. Anyway, basically my
point is---I really wanna know what you guys think! :o)

love ya-
Steph

P.S. I promise this is the last one for today! I just managed to finish a
whole bunch of poems I'd started a long time ago...that's why there are so
many...also, keep in mind I'm trying to clear out my mailbox now, so there
will be feedback, don't worry...expect a huge outpouring as well, lol.



"What the Future Brings"

You asked me once, why I hang on to the past
Why I obsess over things I can't control
I could not answer you to save my life
It's the reason I take things so slow

The truth is, honey, I'm scared to death
I'm so terrified of the future, of what will come
My track record isn't exactly the best
I just want to turn around and run

Bridge:
You can't break promises you never made
That's why I can't stay
I want to give you everything
I just can't face what the future brings
It's too much for me to take
I have to stop before it's too late

Chorus:
Before I get in too deep
Before I start losing sleep
Before I start to dream for things, I really don't deserve
Before my loved ones get hurt

Verse 2:
Should you feel the need to leave now
I would not stand in your way
Should you feel you have to change me
Time is a terrible thing to waste

Pretend not to hear the cries of my heart
As you turn and leave me behind
Ignore the sensations in my mind
That tell me this can't be right
Because...

Bridge
Chorus 2x

Before my loved ones....get hurt...

(c) 2000 Steph

This is a late-night write everyone, so be kind!! :o)




Hey!! I'm sitting in front of my laptop in a hotel room in Utah....and
thinking of y'all of course. I haven't been able to give feedback because I
have limited time online, but I've read some things and am glad to see y'all
are still as talented as ever....so I wrote this poem. It's taken me a couple
of years, actually---kind of. I've had the "remember to remember me" thing in
my head for a while...but for the first time I sat down and wrote down the
poem that has been waiting so long to be written....so...enjoy!!
lol...hopefully...

Remember To Remember Me

as we go down this path we call life
i have only one request:
that through it all
through the good times and the bad times
you remember to remember me.

and as we continue to grow and mature
and reach for the sky with longer, stronger arms
i have but one hope:
that while we do, and work, and play and see
you remember to remember me.

and even as we get boyfriends and girlfriends
and start to yearn for babies and white lace
i need to know:
that we will continue to stay together
that we will beyond all odds keep in touch
so you will remember to remember me.

and when we watch our own children grow
and begin to live out their dreams
we will keep in mind:
that good friends are like fine wine
becoming only greater and stronger throughout the years.
for this, you must remember to remember me.

and when we are carried to our final destination
when the ride stops spinning
we will keep this, our final prayer:
that while we stay physically apart
after having gone our separate ways
we will meet each other "one sweet day"
smile, and be reassured
for we have remembered.

(c) 2000 Steph

So...in short, I miss all you guys, and my mailbox is completely stuffed
with emails still needed to be read!! So expect major feedback when I get
back, and public feedback where public feedback is due, ;)

love ya!!

~Steph


From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Thu Aug 17, 2000 4:19 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Remember To Remember Me" OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
Public feedback for mah girl, Steph!! Hun, WOW. That rocked my
world...hard!! Brought tears to my eyes, even...and I JUST WOKE UP!! How
did you do that? *laughs* You're amazingly talented, girl...don't you ever
ever forget that, k? Just wooooow!!

Love you all lots!
Laura Nic


"Forevermore"

flashes of light
torches of flame
eye of the beholder
who's to blame?

intense blue eyes
staring into mine
midnight cat
lives of nine

just for a second
stop and think
wonder and ponder
the meaning of succeed

fields of gold
gardens of green
surround me now
and feed my dreams

i'll surrender my soul
if you give up yours
and together we will be
forevermore.



great is the land
great is the sea
great is the love
i have in me.

i have never doubted for an instant
the pure emotions that flow from you.
i recognize them
because they're in me, too.

this is who i am
and that is what you are
and we know it can never work
with the distance between us so far.

so tonight, as i lay me down to sleep
my only prayer is that you remember me.
remember the good times, and the bad times
and all the times in between.


and even as i read this poem over again,
i know it's awkward.
awkward for what it was, and what it had never been.
and since nothing rhymes with awkward
i'm digging myself a hole
because i can't forget you
can't get over you
and am destined to love you forevermore.

(c) Steph 2000

This is definitely NOT my best work. I'm just a little grumpy because my
mom woke me up this early...i mean it's eight o'clock gosh darn it (trying to
cut back on my swearing, you should me when i'm really warmed up)...well, it
was when i wrote this. Sooo...be kind, lol. oh...and does anyone have an
idea for a title? i'm sleepy.

love,
Steph


our song

it's been maybe five months
since the time i saw you last
it's been maybe five minutes
since your image has passed

i stir my milkshake
in the corner of the bar
i've given up drinking
too many battle scars

and the wars in my head, rage on
and the ache in my heart, stays strong
and there is nothing i can do, and nothing i can say
when the bartender puts on our song

haunting and mellow
easy and free
our song was special
and now it haunts me

it didn't matter if the radio never played it
it didn't matter if we never really made it
but we'd come so far, and you'd given up so fast
did you know somehow we might never last?

and the wars in my head, rage on
and the ache in my heart, stays strong
and there is nothing i can do, and nothing i can say
when the bartender puts on our song

haunting and mellow
easy and free
our song was special
and now it haunts me

i stare at my milkshake, and it taunts me
and finally i give in none too gracefully
if only you were here...

I get up for an ice cold beer.

(c) Steph 2000

what do you think? i think it was about two in the morning when i wrote
this...and yes, i am underage, so this isn't taken from my own personal
experience.
also, i can't decide if this is a poem or a song...If it is a song, I can
only imagine someone with an earthy voice (like Melissa Etheridge or Macy
Gray) singing this...

later!


om: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Wed Aug 9, 2000 11:16 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} "Our Song" OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
Public feedback right back at my girlie, Steph!! Giiirl, you know that you
are OOZING talent, and this just blew me away. *sigh* It was definitely sigh
worthy, but so perfectly and beautifully written. You amaze me, hun!

Love yas all
Laura Nic


Hey...it's 1:35 in the morning...and I'm still not in bed, I should be
though, I've got a big day tomorrow...so here's a poem I just wrote:

"Wash Away"

wash away my sorrows,
wash away my fears
wash away the indelible marks
left by all the tears.

hide from the past
and let today pass you by
for love that has bonded us together
is not enough to withstand you and I.

wash away my anger,
for i am not strong enough to send you away.
chase away the demons
let the angels come to play.

and now...

i look for things i cannot find
as nothing is left in sight.
wash away the love in me
still strong enough to fight.



From: PumKin300@...
Date: Sun Aug 6, 2000 6:17 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Wash Away" PumKin300@...
Send Email
*Applaudes happily* that was so awesome I felt the need to send public
feedback! you rock babe!
love ya
amy


From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Wed Aug 2, 2000 2:29 pm
Subject: my song Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
Wow....I can't believe how much support I've gotten from all of you! I
couldn't possibly thank all of you personally, so I'm sending this to the
list. Amanda suggested I should send the condensed version to y'all so you
could help me judge whether it's really "crap" or not....so...here it is.
Thanks again. I couldn't believe how much love I was getting from you guys.
:o)

Here's the original version:

Hard to Tell (Hard to Say)

Spoken:
How can you expect the good guys of the world to fight back
When the bad guys are setting their children on crack?
Where will you find hope
In this world filled with dope?
Where do we stand, in this brotherhood of man?

Verse 1:
Born to shimmer, born to shine
Born to change the world for all time
His only hope was that people might hear his voice
To do good or bad was only his choice
He could have fought for world peace, or joy
Instead he took the life of an innocent young boy
Why? you ask, in disbelief...
This young man was felled by weed

Chorus:
It may not be now, and it might not have been
Or maybe it has struck you and made you start again
As long as we continue to fool ourselves
There's no way we can win

Peace and love the mantras of life
I'm so tired of fighting this fight
Hard to tell, hard to say
When truth will finally get its way

Verse 2:
This shocked the whole community,
It really opened their eyes and made them see
But what they didn't know the little nagging detail
That simply refused to let go
The young man had converted all his friends
Thrown them into the rage that never ends
Where did their parents fail?
God only knows…

Bridge 1:
Why do we let it control our lives?
Why do we continue to be susceptible to these lies?
When will we learn the best way is not with fists?
The greatest thing we can do, is resist

Chorus

Now let's talk about the blind crimes
The ones that always manage to get covered up
You think you're so cool, it's a shame you're so fine
All I gotta say is, you're ugly inside
You talk so smooth and you act so tough
Don't you think we've had enough?
The last thing this world needs is hate
The heart will always see through race

Bridge 2:
So why do we let history stand in the way?
Why do we continue to hate today?
There's a reason the sun rises from the east
And there's a reason we fight so hard for peace

Chorus

Please, if you remember nothing
Remember this
Don't die as someone easily dismissed
Be one of those that will be solely missed

Bridge 1
Chorus 2x

Spoken:
Only time will tell,
Only time will tell.

Here's the condensed version:

Verse 1:
Born to shimmer, born to shine
Born to change the world for all time
His only hope was that people might hear his voice
To do good or bad was only his choice
He could have fought for world peace, or joy
Instead he took the life of an innocent young boy
Why? you ask, in disbelief…
This young man was felled by weed

Bridge:
Why do we let it control our lives?
Why do we continue to be susceptible to these lies?
When will we learn the best way is not with fists?
The greatest thing we can do, is resist

Chorus:
It may not be now, and it might not have been
Or maybe it has struck you and made you start again
Peace and love the mantras of life
I'm so tired of fighting this fight
Hard to tell, hard to say
When truth will finally get its way

Verse 2:
Please, if you remember nothing; remember this
Don't die as someone easily dismissed
Be one of those who will be solely missed
For the last thing this world needs is hate
The heart will always see through race

Bridge
Chorus 2x

*sigh*...a lot of the main points were cut out, I think. This song started
out originally as a story, a lesson to be learned from the guy on pot...but
now it's just like a pathetic cry for help, and I'm not sure I like the
change. What do you guys think?

love,
Steph

From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Tue Aug 1, 2000 10:34 am
Subject: A lil note from me, please read :) OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
Hey sweeties!!

I must admit...when I read that two of my girls, Amanda and Amy, were
pulling their recent writing projects due to lack of feedback, I sighed more
than a little bit. First, let me remind both of the writers that your
stories are wonderful!! I can't express that enough, because you're both
talented lil cookies. I can't say how sorry I am that more feedback didn't
flow your way. I'm hoping, that by emailing my fave list in this whole
world, that a few silent readers out there will realize that they should've
been giving the props you both deserve. HOPEFULLY, they'll drop you a line,
begging ya to keep up the great work and to keep posting!! This list is all
about talent, and you two are definitely part of what makes this list kick
ass. *last plea to the listers* If you were reading Amanda or Amy's story,
let them know, k? :) The simplest email, every now and then, can mean SO
much. ;) Thanks for your time!! And girls, even if you decide not to
continue to post your fanfiction, for what it's worth, you all are two of the
best. :)

Love you all lots...
* ·.
. * . Laura Nic
* .

From: kruggi@...
Date: Tue Aug 1, 2000 2:48 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} A lil note from me, please read :) kruggi@...
Send Email
Hey everyone!

Just to echo what Laura Nic said regarding Amanda and Amy pulling their
stories...Just wanted you all to know I love reading *all* the work posted
here. I may not say it often enough to all of you writing, but I love this
list. You all are wonderfully talented and I really hope you guys will
continue to post. It would be a real shame if you stop writing and posting.
Please know there are people out here reading. (Like me!) Sometimes I get
too busy w/ real life and forget to give feedback and I shouldn't do that.
Since I've posted my writing as well, I certainly know how important feedback
is! :-)

Please don't stop writing, everyone. I look forward to reading the stories,
poems, etc on a daily basis!

Love ya,
Kris



heartstrings

you've tugged on my heartstrings
since the day we met.
you've challenged and won me over
and i'll never forget

what you've taught me
and what i've learned
from the simple harmony
of two hearts turned
One.

time will etch its lifeline
through both our faces
and love will endure
through forgotten places

once a fluke, twice a trend
for the two us
there is no end.

i love you.

(c) 2000 Steph

what do y'all think? too short? I keep thinking I should add a verse
somewhere near the middle...but i dunno...


From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Tue Aug 1, 2000 3:21 pm
Subject: Poem: What is Normal? Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
what is normal?

Normal is a place
we foolishly long to be
a place where they try so hard
only to use blind eyes to see.

Normal is a place
we cannot escape.
It thrives on fools
Then calls it fate.

Normal is a place
where innocence is unlearned
it's a place where children are burned
sold for their souls
hated for their race
idolized for an image
and symbols of hate.

Now, you may ask
Why, then, do we strive so hard to be normal?
You tell me.

(c)2000 Steph

What about this one (lol, sorry, i'm just in a really creative mood for some
reason)?


From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Tue Aug 1, 2000 11:43 pm
Subject: okay....i need some advice... Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
ok...you might not want to read this if you don't like hearing people moan
and groan over something that's...uh, kinda trivial, i guess. It's not like a
huge life or death deal, but it's...pretty big. yeah. so don't scroll down
unless you feel like being sympathetic for some weird reason, lol.

......
.....
....
..
.
..
....
........


Ready? Okay, here goes.

Okay...I'm a little depressed right now...remember a little while back
when I sent out the song I wanted to enter to the Teen People/SHiNE 365
contest, the one where your song could be performed by a quote unquote
"famous singer" if you won?
Well...seems it's a pretty good idea to read the rules. And the rules say
200 words or under. It even says it twice, so I'm pretty sure they're serious
about it.
And I'm serious about the contest too, so...I cut my song down. It took a
lot of agonizing. 200 words is nothing. I never knew how little 200 words
were. I mean, like for homework they ask you to write a 200-word summary for
homework and you just sit there going, "Two HUNDRED words??! What are you
NUTS?!"
Turns out it's not quite as much as you might think. And it's my
personal opinion right now that the song sucks. I mean, I literally hacked
away at it, from 398 words to 185. And I got more and more depressed as I
continued to chop words down.
Now, here's my question: Should I send it in? I'm not proud of it, I'm
really not. It says in the rules that entries can't be returned; that means
they can do all kinds of sh*t to it unless you win and get a whole bunch of
publicity. I have seven days to send it in, basically, because it takes about
three days to send to New York and it's due August 10th. I mean...I feel like
I'd be degrading myself if I sent in something I thought was crap. And the
song is really, really nice, there's a good message. But a lot of it got cut
out.....But then again, this might actually be my only chance to get seen, be
heard, known, you know? So...I'm stuck.
Anyone?

~Steph

P.S. Sorry if I bored you or depressed you...and if you think I'm pathetic,
please don't hit reply. Just send your hatemail HREF="mailto:elephantjuice55@...">here. Don't send it to the list.
It's not worth filling up peoples' mailbox for....even though that's kinda
what I'm doing now, sorry. Anyway...yeah. I'm not always quite so moody. I'm
generally a very happy person. Really. Thanks for reading. Maybe all I really
needed was to get that out...I dunno. ttya laterz.



From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Wed Aug 2, 2000 10:25 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Re: Song: Once Upon A Dream Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
GO LAURA NIC!! lol...I knew I'd love it from the second I read the title...I
have a kinda sixth sense about these things (creepy ain't it?)....and I did!
It was gorgeous, feeling flowing all throughout it, and if you can get people
to feel something...well, that's the best thing you can do as a writer (of
anything)...and you definitely made me feel. thanks so much for sharing.

love,
Steph


From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Sat Jul 29, 2000 4:46 pm
Subject: Please Read!! About Laura Nic! OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
Hey sweeties!!

*is laughing like a goob* Yes, it is me...Laura Nic, and I just had to
email you all to let you know that list mail is now going to be sent and
received through this email addy! I'm not this silly on my own, trust me.
This screen name was a *thinks of a good way to put it* creative
collaboration, I guess you could say between one of mah best girlies and
myself...lol. It makes me laugh, so I guess that's the best part about it,
but now you all know. When you see this goofy sn, it's me!!

Love yas lots!
* ·.
. * . Laura Nic
* .



From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Thu Jul 27, 2000 10:18 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Happy Birthday to the List Owner!!! Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the list owner that made me feel so welcome when i first
posted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and has been nothing but supportive ever since!!!!!!!

Love,
Stephy



ok, this is my first posting on this list - be kind!!!

Missing Piece

i wander and wander
and i search and i search
and what i find (and cannot) makes my stomach lurch.

i press and i press
and i kick and i scream
yet nothing is still, ever, what it seems.

i stumble and fall
suffer it all
yet never can i find my missing piece.

and...let me tell you

it's hard to suffer
when there's no part of you left to hurt
it's hard to die alone
with no idea what you're worth.

finally, when i lay me down to sleep
i try and make my missing peace.
yet still i cannot find what i'm looking for.

and i doubt i'll have another chance
i'll have to live through this last dance
then, peaceful i shall be, forevermore.


From: Nickers
Date: Thu Jul 20, 2000 2:10 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: Missing Piece nugie_4_life@...
Send Email
wow girl.. how come you haven't posted before? I think
you definitely should continue posting great stuff
liek that! it was amazing and i love it!

From: "DJ B"
Date: Thu Jul 20, 2000 9:40 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: Missing Piece ImChrisSexyChica@...
Send Email
I must give public feedback for your first postign, it's a ritual *smile*!
This was a very good poem, don't be so easy to shoot yourself down. The
feeling were very raw and poignant, good stuff chica!

~~ DJ

rom: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Thu Jul 20, 2000 5:51 pm
Subject: ok, i really need your help y'all... Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
See, i want to be a songwriter. Like desperately. It's my life's ambition
(at the moment). I'm not like a huge nsync fan or anything, but I totally
agreed with J.C. Chasez when he said he'd love to be a fly on the wall in a
writing session with Sting.
So, I jumped at this contest: it was featured in this month's Teen People
(with Sisqo on the cover), and you write a song discussing your feelings on
racism/violence etc. and your "solution" for this problem. First prize is a
trip to NYC to get your song performed by a "famous singer". I went crazy,
I've been writing for about a week straight and I think I finally have it
done. Unlike the first poem I sent, i'm asking you guys please do NOT be
kind! bash this one, i really need to know what's wrong with it and what i
should keep in.
Oh yeah, and thanks to everyone who read the poem i sent out earlier and
gave such great comments...*sniffs* y'all are so sweet!


i guess that was my first post... or one of them... 07.20.00.



(i had an amazing group of girls at the images_come_alive group to write with)
Public feedback for one of my favorite writers. This one was powerful, and it got me. I relate, so we must be sharing the same mind state. No matter what the subject matter, all of your poetry is always vivid, and even if I'm not going through something similar, I know through your words, I'll be able to understand.

Great job, and please...show this girl some love, will you?

Much love,
Laura Nic


Steph, you constantly amaze me, girl...this poem, "Destiny", was just so...wow. *like my lack of eloquence? lol* Seriously, girl...thank you for sharing. This is the 4th poem of yours in the past month that I'm priniting up and hanging up on my wall here because I love it so much ;D

Show her some love, people...this girl and her talent deserves it!

Love yas
~Amanda

3 beautiful pieces of writing in one day...all that touched me in different ways and made me realize just how much talent we have on this list and how, Steph in particular, will bare her heart and mind in these writings for us day in and day out to keep the list going whenever the rest of us are silent. Beautiful work, girl...your writing constantly amazes me ;)

Love yas
~Amanda


I have to leave my girlie, Steph, some public feedback, because she is
forever blowing me away with her poetry. Minus a few things, I related to
this one, but regardless if I did or not, Steph always has a way of making
you sit back, open your eyes, and explore other things. Her poetry makes you
truly think, and that's what a great writer is all about. We have an award
winner on our hands, no doubt.

Give her some props, hmm? ;)
Amazing, Steph.

Much love,
Laura Nic

From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Mon Oct 23, 2000 10:33 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "At First" OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
*gasps* Steph! Oh Good Lord, girl...PUBLIC FEEDBACK!! *smiles* I've got
nothing on you, Missy! This poem rocked hardcore, made me smile and even
start to sniffle. You're an amazing talent, and I hope that the ladies of
this list give YOU the props you deserve. *feedback war now complete, giggle*

Much love,
Laura Nic


From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Sun Oct 8, 2000 11:46 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Love Like This" OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
Okay...while going through mail and all that good stuff, I've just stumbled
across this poem, and I have to say that it made me sniffle. I just loved it
SO damn much, Steph...that I hadta give you public feedback. If I had a site
like the one that you run, I would most definitely ask to host it! *wink*
Amazing job...just bootiful.

Much love to you guys-
Laura Nic

From: "~*~*Amanda*~*~"
Date: Wed Aug 23, 2000 10:46 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Listen to the Wind" manderloo0810@...
Send Email
giiiiiiirl!! *breaks out da running man* Go Steph, go Steph! *ahem*
sorry...I've been on an old school kick all night. Anyways, this poem was
just beautiful! Inspirational and a pick-me-up if someone ever feels bad.
Whatever was there that motivated you to write it was on target, and I just
want to thank you for sharing it with us! :)
love yas

~*~* Amanda *~*~


From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Sun Aug 20, 2000 11:45 am
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "Sometimes I Wish" OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
Public feedback for mah girl, Steph!! You know that I feel the need to
embaress you and send this public shoutout!! Girl, your poetry always
envelopes me!! Your talent is amazing, and I can only hope that you never
doubt that for a second! Keep up the brilliant work...it's all about the
W-O-W, and I'm in awe!

Love yas much!
¤ Laura Nic¤


From: "Jena Marie"
Date: Sun Aug 20, 2000 2:41 pm
Subject: Re: {Images_Come_Alive} Poem: "A Shining Light" poeticbewitchery@...
Send Email
I don't think 3 emails are gonna count as filling up my inbox, but feel free
to do it anytime. Your writing is always beautiful and, like all of the
other writers on this list, you never fail to impress me.

i miss them.




haha this post made me laugh:

From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Wed Oct 3, 2001 6:46 pm
Subject: :o) :o) :o)

Oh my gosh guys...I am basically in seventh heaven right now. Okay, where to
start...you know how I'm obsessed with Carolyn Dawn Johnson, right? I've sent
lyrics to two of her songs to share with you guys, and if that woman doesn't
know how to write I don't know who else does ;)

Well...I post frequently (okay, okay, VERY frequently) on her online message
board at her official site, carolyndawnjohnson.com. About a week ago I posted
the poem I'd written about the 9/11 attack, "Watch Over Us," since friends of
mine that I've made there wanted to know what was helping me cope (what
written about it, since writing is my life). Well, Carolyn posts very often
there as well, about once every two weeks, and updates us on how she's doing,
where she's been, and if any discussions on the board have intrigued her or
anything, she often drops a line or two about it. Well...direct quote guys -
"Steph- I enjoyed your poem too, very insightful." Aahhhhh!! I just about
passed out, right then and there. To me, this is like Michael Jordan telling
me I have a nice jump shot. I can't believe that 1) she's sweet enough to
read just about everything that's going on in our lives; 2) keeps in contact
with us in the first place; and 3) liked my work! It just blew my mind.

Yes, I know she's country guys, but definitely pick up her CD "Room With A
View" the next chance you get! She's incredible - at the very least, you'll
be in complete awe of her mastery of the written word. (Yeah, Steph's getting
mushy here, lol.)

Take care guys!

love~
Steph


watch over us.

i suppose it's akin to a shattered childhood illusion
most likely because it is
i fail to understand the glory derived from tragedy
i doubt problems are solved through this

don't tell me it's a means to an end
it could never be so superficial as that
there's no need for you to pretend
we can ever get that innocence back.

living the invincible life is only as good as your luck runs
it's so gratifying to be able to say we can withstand any attack
so give it your best shot, i charge you bring it on
and we forget to make up for all that we lack.

to take action now is only petty retaliation
a war best left unfought
we cry for peace, civility
knowing our first instinct is to avenge all that's lost.

still, as we load our weapons, prepare for "essential sorrow,"
pointing to our past as a guide for tomorrow
as we steel ourselves, bear arms
let us not forget the true longings of the soul and of the heart.

i don't believe peace is that unattainable a peak
please Lord, watch over us as we sleep.


this is similarly amusing:

From: Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Date: Fri Sep 29, 2000 9:31 pm
Subject: a little piece of advice...:o) Elephantjuice55@aol.com
Send Email
Hey everyone - I wrote this a kinda long time ago, and I was going through my
files today and saw it again, edited it a little, and am finally satisfied
with it. It's not much of anything, I just call it a poem, lol:


they say that wherever you go,
there you are.
then why do i feel so lost?
and...are you supposed to cover the expenses
no matter what the cost?
or stand back and have life pass you by?
all i know is-
you'll never know if you never try.


Hehe...just thought I'd share...

love ya~
Stephy


*~*~*~*~*~*~*
===========
"When you wake up I'll be the first thing you'll see
and when it gets dark you can reach out to me
I'll cherish your words...and finish your thoughts.
And I'll be your compass baby...when you get lost---

I wanna, be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
Be the moon that moves your tides
The sun comin' up in your eyes...

I'll be the wheel that never rusts
Be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more...so much more...
I wanna be your everything..."

- Keith Urban - Your Everything

You've got to dance like nobody's watching, and love like it's never gonna
hurt.

*holds a single candle for Alaina*
miss ya...


some thoughts...

I've sat here and read and reread Laura Nic's note over and over again,
telling us she's gone.
And I have yet to really believe it.
I suppose it could be just the way I am, more of a dreamer than a
realist, still carefully grounded but not enough for things to sink in until
much later. After I eat candy I don't get hyper until maybe the next day.
I just read an email from someone in another mailing list I'm on. It's
about a bunch of nsync crap (sorry!). The girl's siggy contains various
quotes from various nsync members---and then I come down to the last one.

"Never take life for granted, you don't know where you'll be tomorrow."

It's a small token of realism in an otherwise nsync email. It makes me
analyze myself. I read these words and I tell myself I'm going to start
living out my dreams, laughing more, spending more time with my friends,
telling my family I love them.
And it never happens. I either get involved with something else, get
distracted, or just forget. Sometimes all of the above.
Then the nsync email comes again, and I feel horrible.
The point is---I think it's time I started, for good.
Thanks, Alaina.

love always~
Steph


From: OhBedazzledFro@...
Date: Sun Aug 27, 2000 8:44 pm
Subject: I'm afraid that I have some awful news.... OhBedazzledFro@...
Send Email
Hey sweethearts-

This is the kind of mail, as list moderator, that I never wanted to send.
It's the kind of situation that I've never dealt well with, especially when
it's dealing with someone that was so close to my heart. There's no easy way
to say this...and so I'm just going to...and I'm so sorry, guys, but one of
our list members, Alaina...has passed away. Her boyfriend, Lucky, was in
touch with me just now through email, letting me know that a car accident has
claimed her life. He asked that I inform my list, because he knew that
Images was something that made Alaina so happy. *tears* The stories she
read here, the poetry, the lyrics...everything, she adored it so much....was
so glad to have met so many people that shared a passion of hers so deeply.
He thanked me for creating something that made someone he loved so
happy...and I can't express to you how much she will be missed. To me, as
I'm sure to many of you, Alaina was an amazing spirit...someone that will be
loved forever. We love you, Alaina, and you'll never be forgotten.

*hugs*
Laura Nic

P.S.- I'll be working on getting something to Alaina's family, in cooperation
with her boyfriend, and I'll be sure to update you at a later time. I love
you, guys...each and every one of you. Never forget that.



Hi sweeties-

This is my last post for the evening, I promise. Now, there are 47 of us
on this list, and I know that you're all such beautiful people, and though
some of you may not have known Alaina personally, I'm sure you were graced
with feedback from her at least a time or two. She was so amazing at
bringing a smile, always encouraging. For the past hour, I've been trying to
think of something beautiful to do for her family...something that could
express even a small amount of our sentiments. I've decided that I want to
make a memory book...from Images Come Alive to Alaina's family.

What I need from each of you, costs nothing...except maybe a shipping
charge *teary giggle*....Poems, letters, memories...any kind of thoughts that
you have on Alaina, with the help of a great friend of mine....we're going to
put together the most beautiful book we can manage. Anyone that submits
something will have their own special page in the book...and once all
submissions are received, the book will be put together and sent to Alaina's
family. There is no particular format that I ask that you follow, just keep
everything in standard size of a normal scrapbook/photo album. To be safe,
think somewhere along the lines of 8X10.

I know the deadline is soon, but we hope to get something to the Williams
asap. Please send all submissions by Saturday, September 2nd to:


I hope that you'll all send something, be it a prayer, your best wishes...and
I promise you that we'll keep you informed of this project every step of the
way. Thank you for your time. If you'd like to submit something and plan
to, please email me privately to let me know that I should expect your
package, okay? Thank you so much, and Once again...

Much love to you all,
Laura Nic


From: PumKin300@...
Date: Mon Aug 28, 2000 6:22 pm
Subject: okay, i'm ready to say something... PumKin300@...
Send Email
*deep breath* As many of you have already said, I wasn't very close with
Alaina either, but I still felt all the effects of this tremendous
loss...when I read the email from Laura Nic this morning, it felt as though
my heart broke into a thousand pieces...we lost part of our family...sure we
aren't blood related but we still care about each other and that makes as
much of a family as any...and when i was deleting some of my old mail just
before, I came across some emails from her...all of them happy and light
hearted...and it made me realize, we shouldn't be saddened for too long...of
course we will grieve, but she wouldn't want us all to be bummed for a long
period of time...she would want us to remember her and continue on...so try
to smile guys and know that she's watching over us...
*hugs*
love you all
amy







From: Alaina Williams
Date: Wed Aug 2, 2000 4:16 pm
Subject: awww....how much do I love you guys?? jumpybutta18@...
Send Email
Hey peeps! I just wanted to thank everyone who sent me
feedback on my short story A Broken Wing. I got mroe
feedback on that than I did anythiing else I have evr
sent out. I wanted to thank you all because that story
has a very important meaning for me. I was in an
abusive relationship with a violent boyfriend for
three years, and it was a long time before I finally
decided I had to leave and try to find my 'wings' or
else i would never get out. I ended it a little over
eighteen months ago, and it's taken me until now to
even start to deal with it. So writing this story was
sort of therapeutic for me, and I poured my heart and
soul into the thoughts and actions of the main
character. I was holding my breath, hoping that
someone would like it, that someone would be able to
understand what I was trying to say. It meant so much
to get the feedback I did...what can I say? You guys
rock and I love you all!! **hugs**

-much love-
*Alaina*


From: Alaina Williams
Date: Wed Aug 2, 2000 2:20 am
Subject: **NEW SS** A Broken Wing jumpybutta18@...
Send Email
Hey guys! Once again, I was inspired by country music
t9 write a short story...and since most normal people
are still wide awake at five in the morning **rolls
eyes**, I decided to go ahead and write it. It's
called 'A Broken Wing' and no, it's not a fan
fic....the characters are just random people I made
up. Sorry--no *Nsync in this one! I hope you all enjoy
it anyway! Wnjoy, and remember, feedback is always
appreciated! Later taters!

-much love to you all-
*Alaina*

*******************************************************
A Broken Wing



**song ‘A Broken Wing’ by Martina McBride

*~*~*~*~*

She loved him like he was
The last man on earth
Gave him everything she ever had
He’d break her spirit down
Then come lovin’ up on her
Give a little, then take it back

*~*~*~*~*

“Woman, where is my dinner?” The harsh yell came from
the direction of the living room.
Heather winced as she bustled around the kitchen. She
was making lasagna, his favorite, and she only wished
she had had the foresight to start the meal ahead of
time. He hated it when his dinner was late. She
grimaced as he bellowed again. He was in one of his
moods. She hated it when he got like this. But she
loved him. She loved him more than life itself. Loving
someone meant dealing with their vices as well as
virtues, right? And James’s vice was his terrible
temper.
“Here, sweetie,” she said softly, hurrying into the
living room, an ice cold can of Bud Lite in her hand,
chilled for twenty minutes in the freezer, just as he
always wished it to be. She had even opened the
pop-top for him.
James allowed himself a sly smile as he gulped down
his first taste of the cold beer. He had her whooped,
it was simple as that. She was trained better than his
dog was to obey and respect him.
“James, darling, go wash up. By the time you’re done,
the lasagna will be on the table!” Heather called from
the kitchen, cursing under her breath as the heat from
the glass casserole dish seeped through the potholder
and burned the pads of her fingers. She dropped the
dish on the table with an awkward bump, then leaned
forward to shovel a large helping of the Italian
cuisine onto his plate.
James came into the kitchen, then, idly rubbing his
damp hands on the thighs of his jeans. He sat down at
his place at the head of the table, like a king
settling into his throne. Eyeing the food on the table
with a mere grunt of satisfaction, he smacked his lips
and leaned forward to spoon a still steaming forkful
of the cheesy pasta into his mouth.
“James, be careful,” Heather said as she came back
into the dining room with two wine glasses filled with
white wine. “The lasagna is still…” She trailed off.
Her warning had come too late. James angrily spit the
offending lasagna back onto his plate, glowered at it,
then tossed the entire plate to the floor with a sweep
of his hand. He surged t his feet and glared at
Heather. “It’s too damn hot!” he yelled, standing nose
to nose with his wife. “You trying to burn me,
Heather?”
She shook her head meekly, knowing that when he was
in one of these moods, it was better to simply nod or
shake her head and avoid saying anything at all. If
she said a word, he would misinterpret it as backtalk,
and she would pay the price.
Her careful silence didn’t work this time. James
backhanded her, rubbing his knuckles as she stumbled
to the floor, bracing herself against the doorframe,
the wine spilling from the glasses as they fell to the
ground and bounced on the carpet.
“Get up,” he hissed, his voice dangerous. “Get up.
You have a mess to clean up.” He turned and grabbed
his coat from the coat rack by the front door, and
slung it over one shoulder as he opened the door. “I’m
going to find me some real food for dinner,” he
grumbled over his shoulder. “Somewhere where I won’t
kill myself trying to eat something that is barely
even edible in the first place!” He slammed the door
behind him as he left, rattling the windowpanes in the
small house.
Heather huddled on the ground, tears streaking her
face. She gingerly touched her lip with one finger,
wincing as it came away covered in blood. She wrapped
her arms around her knees and cried. She had wanted
tonight to be special. It was their one-year
anniversary of their marriage.
She lay silent and still, pretending to be asleep
when he finally stumbled in, smelling of whiskey and
cheap beer. Another smell lingered, almost
overpowering the sour smell of the alcohol. It was
another woman’s perfume. Heather had to bite her lip
to keep from vomiting. He crawled into bed beside her,
clad only in his boxers. He slipped his arms around
his wife.
“Heather, baby,” he said slowly, his words slurred
from the amount of alcohol he had ingested. “I din’t
mean to yell at you tonight, baby. I was just havin’ a
rough night.” When she didn’t respond, but merely kept
her eyes shut and her breathing even, he groaned and
closed his eyes, and finally fell asleep.
She didn’t sleep that night, wrapped in the choking
arms of her husband, the smells lingering on his form
were noxious. Instead, she lay staring at the ceiling,
wondering if he would ever change.

*~*~*~*~*

She’d tell him 'bout her dreams
He’d just shoot ‘em down
Lord, he loved to make her cry
You’re crazy for believin’
You’ll ever leave the ground
He said only angels know how to fly

*~*~*~*~*

“James, I was doing some thinking, and I was
wondering if I could possibly go back to school?”
Heather asked the question timidly, afraid to let her
anxiety to go back to college show. If James knew how
badly she wanted to do something, it was a sure thing
he would do his best to prevent her from doing it.
“Why would you want to do that?” James grumbled,
barely glancing at her over the top of the morning
paper. He finally deigned to raise his eyes to glance
at his wife. “Bring me some eggs, will you?”
“I thought it would be neat to get a job,” Heather
said slowly, her back to James, as she placed butter
to melt in a skillet for his scrambled eggs. “Maybe I
could become a teacher, or maybe even a business
major.”
James slammed his fist down on the table, the dishes
jumping and rattling from the impact. “Heather Lynn,
you know you can’t do that,” he exploded. “You, teach?
You, finish school?” He scoffed and snorted. “There’s
no way it would ever happen. Save yourself, and me,
the embarrassment, and remain a housewife. It’s the
only thing you’re even mildly talented at.” He
disappeared behind his paper again, not knowing, or
caring, how deeply his words had cut his wife to the
core.

*~*~*~*~*

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

One Sunday morning,
She didn’t go to church
He wondered why she didn’t leave
He went up to the bedroom
Found a note by the window
With the curtains blowing in the breeze

*~*~*~*~*

James forced one eyelid open against the sunlight to
peer at his watch. “Nine-thirty?” he mumbled, pushing
himself out of the chair in which he had fallen asleep
in. He moved to the doorway to the living room,
kicking aside an empty bottle of Jose Cuervo in his
path. “Heather?” he yelled up the steps, bracing
himself against the staircase. “Heather Lynn, get your
ass down here! You have to be at church in thirty
minutes!”
He stopped and listened for any movement from
upstairs. His anger was rapidly boiling. If Heather
was late to church, everyone would know what a lazy
wife he had, and they would pity and ridicule him. He
would be damned if he let that happen.
“Heather!” he roared again, taking a few stairs up
before pausing again. Still no movement. “Heather
Lynn, if I have to come and drag you kicking and
screaming, you will go to church today!” He cursed as
he forced his feet to move. His head was screaming and
his tongue felt fuzzy. His feet were still two sizes
too big for his body, and he intended on punishing her
for making him climb the stairs in search of her while
he was hung over.
“Heather!” he yelled, kicking the door to the master
bedroom open. It crashed against the wall, and very
nearly closed again, but James blocked it with his
foot. His bleary eyes searched the tiny room.
“Heather?” There was no sign of her. “Heather!”
His gaze was suddenly drawn to the window by the bed.
It was open, letting in a chilly morning breeze, the
ridiculous blue and white gingham curtains waving as
the wind danced through them. “Damn bitch can’t even
shut the damn window,” he grumbled, reaching for the
window to slam it shut. Something on the desk beside
the window caught his eye. A piece of yellow lined
paper. A small diamond engagement ring and gold
wedding ring waited patiently beside the note.
He opened it, immediately recognizing Heather’s loopy
handwriting.
James—
By the time you read this, I will be gone. I
can’t stay and deal with this sham of a marriage any
longer. It’s time for me to move on, time for me to
find my own wings. Time for me to prove to the world,
that even if those wings are broken, I can still fly.
--Heather

*~*~*~*~*

An with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man, you ought to see her fly

With a broken wing,
She carries her dreams,
Man you ought to see her fly

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


From: Alaina Williams
Date: Sun Jul 30, 2000 8:36 pm
Subject: **NEW SS** IF She Would Have Been Faithful jumpybutta18@...
Send Email
Hey guys! Me again....hee hee...told you all that I
had a bunch to write! Anyway, here is yet another
short story, inspired by one of my favorite songs in
the world, If She Would Have Been Faithful. I hope you
all enjoy it! Send me feedback and let me know how it
sounds! Later taters!


-much love-
*Alaina*

*******************************************************
If She Would Have Been Faithful

**song ‘If She Would Have Been Faithful’ by Chicago

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was thinking about her
Visiting the past
Reconstructing details
With old photographs
I was studying the faces
With an objective point of view
Suddenly remembering
Doesn’t haunt me


*~*~*~*~*

The attic was dark and musty when Chris Kirkpatrick
climbed the steps. Fumbling around in the dark for a
moment, he finally located the light switch, and the
attic was flooded with light. He stood, his eyes
looking around the crowded room. Boxes piled on top of
boxes littered over inch of floor, along with old
skis, bikes tires, a dusty, plastic-covered couch, an
old grandfather clock, and an antique mirror.
“Now how in the name of God does Devon expect me to
find anything up here?” he said aloud, throwing his
arms up in frustration. He ran his fingers through his
spiky dark hair, unsure even of where to start looking
for box of porcelain dolls given to Devon by her
grandmother. Making up his mind, he made his way
across the floorboards, cursing under his breath as he
stumbled over a box in the floor. He fell to the
ground, catching most of his weight on his palms.
“Dammit!” he exclaimed, rolling over, catching the
sharp edge of the grandfather clock’s base against his
ankle. “Damn box shouldn’t even be out here in the
middle of the damn floor,” he grumbled, kneeling,
turning the box right side up, placing the strewn
items back in their cardboard home. A familiar
black-and-gray photo album caught his eye. He flipped
open the front page, sinking down to the floor as he
recognized the pictures inside. His heart slammed
against his ribs for the briefest moment as his eyes
roved over the picture of his ex-fiancée, Madeleine.
It had been two years since Chris had even thought of
the woman. Seeing her picture now was a shock, but
Chris was more surprised at the complete lack of
emotion he felt at seeing her face. He looked at her
now, seeing her from the eyes of an outsider, and he
wondered why he hadn’t noticed it before—that
calculating gleam in her eyes, that apathy towards
anyone else besides herself. She was undeniably
beautiful, with long black hair, porcelain complexion
and cool gray eyes. Chris had been completely
infatuated by her, completely blind to all her faults.
She had been coldly calculating, cleverly manipulative
and ruthlessly cunning. She had been willing to
anything and everything to gain what she wanted, and
she didn’t care whose toes she had had to step on
along the way. She cared for nothing and nobody,
except for Madeleine.


*~*~*~*~*

At the time you couldn’t tell me
That one day I’d be glad
That something that I
Thought was love
Was misinterpreted
She had another lover
She emphatically denied
But she was doing me a favor
A blessing in disguise

*~*~*~*~*

**FLASHBACK**

Chris stood, dumbstruck, completely oblivious to the
pedestrian traffic around him, not hearing the
muttered epithets directed his way by the people on
the sidewalk who were forced to step quickly to one
side to avoid slamming into him as he came to an
abrupt stop. His heart refused to recognize what his
eyes were seeing.
There was his fiancée, the woman he loved more than
anything else, sitting in a trendy sidewalk café. But
she wasn’t alone. Sitting at the black wrought-iron
table with her was a man. A man Chris had never seen
before. Chris hated him instantly.
He couldn’t bring himself to move. He stood, staring
at the couple in front of him, his brain rapidly
making excuses for the scene.
“Maybe it’s a colleague,” he told himself, unaware of
the glances and whispers he drew by mumbling to
himself. “He’s just a friend. A friend from college.
Came to town on business and Maddy just forgot to tell
me.” He took a deep breath, already feeling better.
The man leaned forward over the table and gently
kissed Madeleine. The kiss grew longer and deeper, and
Chris wanted to vomit as he watched. “So much for the
friend idea,” he muttered to himself, and unable to
bear the sight of his beloved kissing another man, he
turned and slowly made his way back to his house. The
house he shared with her. The house in which he had
dreamed of a future with her, a future that would
never come to fruition.


**END FLASHBACK**

Chris turned a page in the photo album, waiting with
trepidation for the familiar ache to take up residence
in his heart again. He was surprised when he felt
nothing, even as he turned the pages and saw picture
and picture of their life together. It was as though
he had never lived that life, as though he had never
loved the woman within those pictures, as though he
had never been that man.


**FLASHBACK**

“How can you ask me something like that?” Madeleine
cried, tears springing to her gray eyes and spilling
over to trace a mascara-tinged path down her pale
cheek. “I love you, Chris. I could never do anything
to hurt you.” She raised her hand to stroke his cheek,
but he averted his head. He couldn’t bear her touch.
“Madeleine, I saw you,” he insisted, shaking his head
to clear the image that existed there. The image of
his fiancée in the arms of another man would be
imprinted in his brain for a long time. “I saw you.
You can’t deny it.”
“I can and I will deny it,” Madeleine said. She
clasped her hands to her heart. “Chris, we’re getting
married. How can you not trust me?”
“How can I trust you after what I saw today?” Chris
asked her. He stood up from the kitchen chair and
paced, unable to sit still any longer. His heart was
breaking, but he was more angry than he was hurt.
Angry that she would do this to him, to what they had
together, to their future.
He walked over to the stone fireplace in the keeping
room and braced his hands on the mantel, his head
hanging dejectedly. He took a deep, ragged breath,
then turned to face her. “Who is he, Madeleine?”
“Who?” Madeleine cried, looking genuinely confused.
Chris had never noticed what a consummate liar and
actress she was. How had he not noticed that during
their four years together? He wanted to smack her.
“The man you were with today,” he said, and though
his voice was quiet, it was steely. He wasn’t going to
deal with this. He wasn’t going to sit there and
listen to her deny something he had seen with his own
eyes. “Who is he, Madeleine?” He came to stand in
front of her, slapping his palm down on the table in
front of her with a bang, loud enough to make her
jump. “Who are you cheating on me with?”
She wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“I told you, Chris,” she said, her voice softer now,
less insistent. “There isn’t anyone else. I could
never—would never—do something like that to you. I
love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your
babies. I want to spend the rest of my life loving
you.”
Chris was sickened by the lies falling so
effortlessly out of her mouth. “Get out,” he said
softly, his tone no less frightening for its lack of
volume.
“What?” Madeleine looked at him now, her gray eyes
reflecting the panic she was feeling in her soul.
“Where will I go?”
“I don’t care,” Chris said, and to his surprise, he
found he didn’t. “Go to his house. Go to a friend’s. I
don’t care. Just get the hell out of my house and my
life right now.”


**END FLASHBACK**

Chris examined every picture closely, wanting to find
something that told him he still felt something for
Madeleine. He couldn’t have shut her out of his heart
so completely, could he? He was prepared to marry the
woman, for God’s sake. But there was nothing there. As
he gazed at the last picture, Chris was able to admit
to himself that he had never loved Madeleine. He had
loved the image of Madeleine, the façade she passed
off to everyone in her life. He had never known the
real Madeleine.

**FLASHBACK**

“Chris? What’s wrong, Chris? Talk to me, sweetheart.”
Devon London was frightened. Her best friend had just
appeared on her doorstep, his face streaked with
tears, his hair disheveled, staring mutely at her, his
eyes wild with hurt and rage.
“Devon, she…” he trailed off, stepping inside her
house, enfolding his best friend in a hug, his face
nestled against her throat.
Devon felt a spark of anger and jealousy flare to
life within her. She hated Madeleine Thomas. Hated her
because she had Chris. Devon had been Chris’s best
friend for nearly ten years. And for seven of those
ten years, she had loved him. But he had chosen
Madeleine. And Devon would never forgive the woman for
taking him away. “What did Madeleine do, Chris?”
“She’s cheating on me.” The words were breathed, so
softly that Devon wasn’t sure she had even heard him
correctly. The spark of rage turned into a
full-fledged inferno. How dare Madeleine fool around
on Chris? How dare she fling his love back in his
face?
“She’s what?” Devon rubbed her hand up and down
Chris’s back in soothing circles, one hand gently
playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “How do
you know?”
“I saw them.” The one sentence was uttered in a voice
so full of anguish and agony that it brought tears to
Devon’s eyes just hearing it. She sank to the couch,
still holding Chris in her arms, unwilling to let him
go, as though she could absorb his hurt and shock and
rage and make it her own.


**END FLASHBACK**

If she would have been faithful
If she would have been true
Then I would have been cheated
I would never have known real love
I would have missed out on you

I watch you sleeping
Your body touching mine
There’s no doubt about it
This is where I want to be
You know it’s so ironic
I had to lose to win
I wanna thank her again

*~*~*~*~*

Chris hugged the sleeping figure next to him closer.
His wife of eighteen months lay pressed against his
side, her cheek resting on his bare chest, a cascade
of blonde hair falling across his torso. Looking down
at her now, Chris thanked God that he hadn’t married
Madeleine. He admitted that fate worked in mysterious
ways. Had he not been walking on that particular
street at the particular time, he would never have
seen Madeleine with her lover, never have questioned
her fidelity. He would have never had the chance to
realize the one person who made his pulse race was no
one other than Devon, the woman who had been by his
side for ten years.
He was happy where he was, his contentment so
deep-seated that anything he had ever felt with
Madeleine paled in comparison. This was where he
wanted to be. Lying next to Devon, spending every
moment apart wanting desperately to be with her again,
watching her tummy swell with their first son. This
woman, asleep in the bed beside him, was everything he
had ever wanted out of life and more.
He had thought he had lost everything when he lost
Madeleine. He had thought he could never be happy,
never truly spend his life as he wished. Now, he
realized with the clarity that only hindsight could
afford that losing Madeleine had made him win Devon.
Had Madeleine not cheated on him, he wouldn’t be
married to Devon now. He wouldn’t be beside himself
with the expectation of Devon delivering their son. He
wouldn’t be nearly as happy as he was now. And for
that, he knew he would be eternally grateful to
Madeleine for her indiscretions.

*~*~*~*~*

If she would have been faithful
If she would have been true
Then I would have been cheated
I would never have known real love
I would have missed out on you

It’s a paradox
Full of contradictions
How I got from there to here
Please devise a logical explanation

*~*~*~*~*

Chris held his breath until he heard the loud wail
coming from the red-faced, very unhappy newborn. All
the air from his lungs left his body in a rush as he
leaned over an exhausted and sweaty Devon, planting a
kiss on her forehead.
“Is he okay?” Devon asked, her hand clutching
Chris’s, her eyes anxiously scanning the room as
nurses fussed over the squalling infant.
“It’s a boy,” the nurse said, placing the swaddled
infant in his mother’s arms. “Seven pounds, eight
ounces, twenty-two inches long.” She smiled as the new
mother and father beamed at their new baby, discreetly
taking a step back to allow the new family a moment of
privacy.
Chris felt his heart swell with love and pride as he
gazed down at the red-faced infant in his wife’s arms.
The baby boy had chubby cheeks and a little button
nose, and his rosebud mouth worked as he stared with
unblinking, but narrowed blue eyes up at his parents.
He opened his mouth wide, his face wrinkling as he
yawned. His eyes drifted shut, as he lay, warm,
nestled, comfortable against his mother’s breast.
Devon looked up at her husband through a haze of
tears. “I love you, Chris,” she said, her voice
breaking on a sob. She reached up with one hand and
caressed his cheek.
He captured her wrist in his hand and turned his face
into her hand, kissing her palm. Then he leaned down
and feathered his lips over hers. “I love you, too
Devon.” He smiled tenderly down at her and the baby,
gently running one finger over the sleeping infant’s
cheek. “I always have, and I always will.”

*~*~*~*~*

If she would have been faithful
If she would have been true
Then I would have been cheated
I would never have known real love
I would have missed out on you


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

From: Alaina Williams
Date: Mon Jul 31, 2000 10:46 pm
Subject: **NEW SS** Someone Else's Star jumpybutta18@...
Send Email
Hey peeps! Yes, I'm back with yet another country
music-inspired short story. What can I say? Country
music can definitely provide some of the best
frameworks for these kinds of stories! Anywayz, read
on, and enjoy, and remember: feedback is always
appreciated!! Later taters!

-much love to you all-
*Alaina*

*******************************************************
Someone Else's Star

**song ‘Someone Else’s Star’ by Bryan White


Alone again tonight
Without someone to love
The stars are shining bright
So one more wish goes up

Oh, I wish I may
And I wish with all my might
For the love I’m dreaming of
And missing in my life

*~*~*~*~*

JC Chasez stood alone in the corner of the room,
partially hidden by the huge potted fern. He was
grateful for the semi-protection the plant offered. He
didn’t want to talk to anyone; he didn’t feel like
dealing with the inevitable simpers and gushing and
obsequity doled out by the females once they found out
who he was. His jaw tightened with irritation. Once
women found out he was a pop superstar, they had no
problem flirting with him, flashing him brilliant
smiles designed to distract him from their
manipulative plans, tossing him compliments as sweet
and as fake as saccharine.
He had come to Malibu to wish his best friend of
twelve years congratulations on getting engaged. Trey
Montgomery and JC had been inseparable growing up, and
Trey had been one of the few people who remained
friends with JC after he moved to Florida to be on the
Mickey Mouse Club. Most people laughed at his ambition
and forgot all about him. It was only after he became
a star in the pop world that his old so-called friends
wanted to remember him. He had learned the hard way
who his true friends were, and there had never been a
doubt in his mind about Trey.
So when he had heard that Trey had gotten engaged to
his girlfriend of four years, Chloe, JC had
immediately accepted his friend’s invitation to fly to
California for the engagement bash. He had met up with
several acquaintances from high school who had flown
to California from Maryland to wish Trey well, and
every person told much the same story. Married.
Engaged. Had children. Was pregnant. Wife was
pregnant. Was divorced and was currently engaged
again. Then they would ask about his romantic status.
He was forced to contemplate his bachelorhood much
more than he would have liked. He wanted to meet that
special someone, wanted to fall in love. But in his
business, it was risky. He would never know whether
someone loved him for him, or for his fame, his
wealth, or even his friends. He was beginning to
wonder if everything he had accomplished, everything
in which he had succeeded really mattered if he didn’t
have anyone to share the glory with.
JC took a sip of champagne from the crystal flute in
his hand, then turned his back on the party and walked
out to the back deck, leaving the champagne flute on
the table where he had stood. He braced his hands on
the railing, drinking in the cool night air. He kept
his eyes closed, and once he felt he had his
irrational jealousy under control, he opened them. Up
in the sky that had long since been blackened by night
thousands of stars twinkled and winked. One in
particular shone brighter than all the rest, and as JC
stared up at it, an old nursery rhyme suddenly popped
into his head.
“Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight, I
wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish
tonight.”

*~*~*~*~*

You’d think that I could find
A true love of my own
It happens all the time
To people that I know

Their wishes all come true
So I’ve got to believe
There’s still someone out there who
Is meant for only me

*~*~*~*~*

He often wondered if he would ever find that perfect
somebody. That one person who would understand him,
inside and out, and love him for everything he was. He
often wondered if that person even existed. He knew it
would take someone unbelievably special to be able to
put up with the demands of his job: the screaming
fans, the months on tour, the ever-present bodyguards,
the cameras snapping every time he was in public, the
insane hours at the studio. He knew that only a
special type of person could put up with that and not
become hurt, angry or even resentful. But he also knew
that person existed. His bandmates had all found
people like that. Chris Kirkpatrick and Lance Bass had
both married women like that. Justin Timberlake and
Joey Fatone were both dating incredible women capable
of such a task. Only JC was left alone.
He remembered very clearly a conversation he had had
with Lance. It had been late on night, on the bus ride
from Sacramento to Los Angeles. Lance and JC had been
discussing Chris’s then-girlfriend and whether or not
it would last.

**FLASHBACK**

“Chris will undoubtedly be one of the luckiest guys
on Earth if Danielle is able to deal with his fame,”
JC said softly, envy eating away at his insides.
Lance looked up from his book. Slowly, he lowered the
book so it lay facedown on his chest, so he was able
to look JC in the eye. “Why would he be lucky?” he
asked, folding his arms behind his head. “Because he
managed to find somebody to put up with all the crap
we took on when we started this group?”
JC shook his head. “Because not only did he find
someone to deal with all that,” he said, not meeting
Lance’s eyes. “But also because the person that he
found happens to be someone that he is head over heels
in love with. It couldn’t get any more perfect than
that.”
Lance sat up on the sofa, the book falling unnoticed
to the floor. He hadn’t missed the sad look in JC’s
eyes or the wistful tone in his voice. “Are you sure
you’re okay, JC?” he asked, his head cocked to one
side as he studied his friend.
JC thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, I am,”
he said, raking his fingers through his black hair. “I
just sometimes want that kind of relationship, you
know?”
“What kind of relationship?” Lance asked, propping
his elbows on his knees as he regarded his friend with
concern.
“Knowing that she is in love with me. Me, Josh
Chasez, not JC. The man, not the superstar. To know
that someone loves my good points, and even my bad
points, simply because my vices make me who I am. I
want to know that someone loves me for how I make them
feel, and not for what I can do for them or who I can
introduce them to.” There was bitter note in JC’s
voice, and he wished he could hide it. He sighed
heavily and gestured vaguely at the passing scenery.
“I just have to hope that somewhere out there is
someone who was meant just for me.”


**END FLASHBACK**

*~*~*~*~*

I guess I must be wishin’
On someone else’s star
Seems like someone else keeps getting what I’m wishin’
for
Why can’t I be as lucky as those other people are
Oh, I guess I must be wishin’
On someone else’s star

I sit here in the dark
And stare up at the sky
But I can’t give my heart
One good reason why

Everywhere I look
It’s lovers that I see
Seems like everyone’s in love
With everyone but me

*~*~*~*~*

JC descended the few steps until he stood on the
sand. He walked down towards the waterline, where the
whitecaps crashed onto the sand with a soft splash. He
stood, his hands shoved deep into his trouser pockets,
his heart heavy.
To the right of him, a young couple sat in the sand,
intertwined in each other’s arms. The woman had her
head resting on her boyfriend’s shoulder and every
once in a while, they would kiss gently. He groaned
and averted his eyes, feeling a lot like a Peeping
Tom. It didn’t help. To his left, an older couple
walked hand-in-hand through the surf. He felt like
throwing his hands up in the air in frustration, but
instead, clenched his fists tightly in his trouser
pockets.
He knew she was out there—that one woman who had been
created with him in mind. He was positive of it. He
just wasn’t sure that he would ever find her. She was
so elusive, like a dream that always stayed just
beyond his fingertips, no matter how hard he tried to
reach it.
He reached down and picked up a seashell half-buried
underneath the sand. For a moment, he ran his fingers
over the ridged length of the shell, then reared his
arm back and tossed the shell as far as he could into
the ocean. His eye caught a glimpse of a star, not the
same one he had seen earlier, but a different one. A
shooting star. He vaguely remembered hearing, sometime
during his youth, that if someone wished on a shooting
star, his wish would come true. His eyes followed the
star as it streaked through the sky and he found
himself saying the words.
“I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish
tonight.”

*~*~*~*~*

I guess I must be wishin’
On someone else’s star
Seems like someone else keeps getting what I’m wishin’
for
Why can’t I be as lucky as those other people are
Oh, I guess I must be wishin’
On someone else’s star

Why can’t I be as lucky
As those other people are
Oh, I guess I must be wishin’
On someone else’s star

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*







"Test of Time"

you try to make up for past insecurities
and feed yourself their lies
throw up the mask you've so long perfected
but you can't keep out their spies

you set out to ease another's pain
but you turn and they stab you just the same
you've caught unaware, you'd never suspect
and your loss becomes their gain...

so your life consists of this
forever striving for happiness
but once you're there you never detect
the empty feelings of helplesness---

you fuel the fires deep inside
swallow the fear you cannot hide
try to learn to forgive and forget
withstand the test of time

and how do you survive this way?
how did you get where you are today?
you're either the strongest or dumbest person i've met
but i will stand up for you---
for you have no regrets.

(c) 2000 Steph


"Someday"

Verse 1

some things just make your heart hurt
sometimes your family only makes it worse
though they've seen you innocent, undressed
and all the times you've been less than your best

Chorus

and who says there's a reason for everything?
how does that amount to anything?
how can they say there are no limits
when i've been trapped in the middle of it
what right do they have to say
it's all gonna be all right someday...

Verse 2

impossible, to comprehend
been fightin' it since who knows when
and it's beyond my capabilities
and it's so far beyond responsibility

Chorus

so who says there's a reason for everything?
how does that amount to anything
how can they say there are no limits
when i'm trapped right in the middle of it
and what right do they have, to say
it's all gonna be all right someday...

Bridge

it's gonna, take some time
only the lucky cats live nine lives
but even the strongest disappear someday
and only the young are forced to make
hasty bonds to solidify later
life is a play, for the players
never mind the people who say
it's all gonna be all right someday

Chorus

and who says, there's a reason for everything
how does that amount to anything
how can they say there are no limits
when i'm trapped in the middle of it
and, what right do they have to say
it's gonna be all right someday...

(fade out)
what right do they have,
what right do they have
what right, what right...