so here i am in hawaii. tomorrow will be the fifth day of this epic summer project and there are five people sittin' in this room. we had a creative date (basically where one small group takes another small group out for the night to get to know each other better) and we were able to really bond. i haven't played kickball since about fifth grade, so it was awesome to get to scream and run around and just laugh with abandon. i think the father is most glorified when we delight in his works, and praise so spontaneously comes forth from all that is good, we naturally want to compliment what amazes us. it's so great that we've been able to find that all among these 30 students and 15 staff members we have found a great unity of purpose and a common love and appreciation of life. it's so sweet to trust in Jesus, really, and be able to put this sense of anticipation, the knowledge that i am living completely in God's hands, in expectance that he will blow each of our minds.

i'm learning how i believe too easily the lies of this crazy mixed up life.


pictures to come.

i will keep the bad things from you

catch it while you can, it's the feel good hit of the summer
catch it while you can, cause there won't be another....
                    { damnwells }
-->
it's weird to say goodbye knowing it's a two months plus goodbye.

---

this year i am finishing knowing i am challenged to think about what is truly important, and i know this will even worse if and when i decide to really go for the double majoring thing and/or write a senior thesis. i JUST discovered on the american studies site that there are different guidelines for different recommended emphases... i use the internet every day, why hadn't i noticed that before?? now i know exactly what to take, and there's even a journalism emphasis.

makes me wonder what else has been right at my hands the whole time and i dont even know to think about it. i talk about potential a lot, achieving, challenging and developing what we know of the world and flooring that beyond even the limits of our imagination. we are puny things, given to change at random, given to impulses in which we give away our treasures, and here's the kicker - we don't even realize when we're doing it!!

gah. it is an awful thing to realize that, once committed to a life with no regrets, we are also submitting control to the situations that cross our way, and effectively say, "come what may, i will stand firm, i will not be shaken."

compare this damnwells song, which i adore, and the heavy acknowledgement that having only ourselves to shield our loved ones from pain is insufficient, that we may promise and promise stability but harbor doubts anyway, no matter how we close our eyes to them - situations that break me - and all troubles to Isaiah 54:

9 "To me this is like the days of Noah,
       when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
       So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
       never to rebuke you again.

    10 Though the mountains be shaken
       and the hills be removed,
       yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
       nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
       says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

    11 "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
       I will build you with stones of turquoise,
       your foundations with sapphires..."

if we would but give up the ashes we roll around in, that we have come to crave the feel of but have never dared to test the stability of, and whet our taste and appreciation for the beauty and the magnificence of the one who never only provides but created provision unshakable himself... oh, the possibilites are endless.

happy summer, my friends. take the plunge and find your eyes opened, moment by moment, day by day. make yourselves teachable, make yourselves smaller, honor each other by considering others greater. remember that faith openly coexists with pursuit. for i cannot keep the bad things from you, but i can lay myself down that you might finally, finally see where all my energy comes from.

hahhaahah. my name jumbled spells "the hen escaping."
===============================================


mm. i need some time to pray where i dont fall asleep.
summer is coming up so fast...



david crowder band - only you

take my heart, i lay it down
at the feet of you who's crowned
take my life, i'm letting go
i lift it up to You who's throned

and i will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
and i will bow down before You
Only You Lord

take my fret, take my fear
all I have, i'm leaving here
be all my hopes, be all my dreams
be all my delights, be my everything

And it's just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

You should see the view
When it's only You
You should see the view

i made summer goals last year - i completed 5/16. oops.

so heres a grander list:

1) take my daily bread.

Acts 17:11: "Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."

John 1, The Word Became Flesh: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."

2) pray without ceasing.

3) love INTIMATELY, saying sincerely, "i am going to love you through this, beloved."

Of course, the famous. Read it out loud, like a prayer... "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. [NIV]
===============================================
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. [NKJV] (1 Corinthians 13:1-8, 11-12)

4) build other-centered relationships; servant's heart as an essential component of this love - so essential that no progress can be made without it. (love does not parade itself, is not puffed up)

Philippians 2:1-8: "So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

For it makes my heart hurt sometimes to think of Jesus as a servant Messiah. Lord, who am I??

5) "Behold, as for the proud one,
His soul is not right within him;
But the righteous will live by his faith." - Habukkuk 2:4 [NASB]


for the command

Habakkuk's Complaint
2 How long, O LORD, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, "Violence!"
but you do not save?

3 Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.

The Lord 's Answer
5 "Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.


wow, God.
will i be ready?


i must believe that i will, that you will prepare me in your own timing... i must wait on you, Lord. for you are surely coming, and you do not delay.

haha! reliving another great movie:













in the car:



I KNOW THAT THERE IS PAIN
BUT YOU HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY
BREAK FREE FROM THE CHAINSSSSS

someday somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye (say goodbye)
until then baby are you going to let them hold you down and make you cry
don't you know? things will change, things'll go your way
if you holdddddd on for one more day
things'll go your wayyyyyyy
hold on for one more day

so today i took a shower. this is not significant in itself, it's something i do regularly, mainly at NIGHT. (ahem silly morning showerers who go to bed dirty and therefore lie in constant filth). but tonight is our senior banquet so i decided another shower couldn't hurt.

no, today's shower is significant because this morning i woke up, fumbled for my watch to see what time it was and in the process knocked over my glasses and could not find them to save my life. so i popped my contacts in (hmm i just realized i gave up my search for the glasses). so, today was the first day since i became more of who i am now (ie, past grade school and easily retrievable long term memory) that i ever took a shower and was able to see.

it is a fascinating, very odd thing. i never had trouble finding anything in the shower (sight isn't THAT bad), and i was only worried the dang shampoo would foam down into my eyes and i'd be blinded by a half in half out contact. i quickly realized this was not i should have been afraid of... no, it was being able to see my toes - and therefore my very odd sandal tan, a curious thing - that it made me notice exactly how far down i had to go if i slipped on soap or something.

in short, it made me fear for my life.

yes. i just thought i'd mark the date. i don't know if i'm ever going to do that again. it was rather terrifying. i'm still trying to catch my breath now.

i like to move it move it
i like to move it move it


BAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA




i want the fat smart one! (on the left)

and the ducky that was eaten.... hahahahAHHAHa

yes. go see madagascar.

it was 1:48 am. i am super hyper from russell peters watching and panicking about it being JUNE, kristen lee is just about to go to bed:
hilarity ensues.

[ maximize your screen ]



^^ (clickable)

however, kristen has some ditz in her (I DO TOO), so... (hahaha)






of course, such blatantly GENIUS ideas are not to be thwarted, so....






three minutes later...




three minutes after that...

[ the bold stuff is the best ;) ]


youaresteph (2:15:41 AM): hahahahahahaaa
youarekristen (2:16:26 AM): LOL!!!!
youarekristen (2:16:40 AM): amazing!!!
youarekristen (2:16:49 AM): now what are we giong to do with our cool new sns.?
youaresteph (2:16:57 AM): muahah. now we have tangible proof that no one thiniks the way we do
youarekristen (2:17:07 AM): hhahaa
youaresteph (2:17:08 AM): mmm
youaresteph (2:17:11 AM): take over the world?
youarekristen (2:17:13 AM): wait. how are you signed on with both SNs?
youarekristen (2:17:24 AM): do you have deadaim?
youaresteph (2:17:31 AM): haha everyone needs a "you are" sn
youaresteph (2:17:36 AM): no i'm signed in on my laptop
youarekristen (2:17:41 AM): seriosuly. we shoudla ll do taht. i bet none of htem are taken.
youarekristen (2:17:48 AM): oh. LOL. geez. on 2 computers at the same time. haah
youarekristen (2:17:52 AM): we shoudl make one for eveyrone in epic.
youarekristen (2:17:53 AM): and hten we
youarekristen (2:18:03 AM): and then we'll surprise thema nd go "here you go. it's your new epic sn"
youaresteph (2:18:13 AM): HAHAHAHAH like an initiation
youaresteph (2:18:16 AM): hahahahahahhaa
youarekristen (2:18:18 AM): wouldnt that be hecka funny? if like 40 of us had the same sn
youarekristen (2:18:21 AM): lol
youaresteph (2:18:27 AM): it would be beautiful
youaresteph (2:18:31 AM): i love it. let's do it
youarekristen (2:18:31 AM): such unity.
youarekristen (2:18:40 AM): HAHA jsut start making the sns for other ppl..
youaresteph (2:19:04 AM): Jesus loves me, this i know, i even have the screen name to prove it
youarekristen (2:19:15 AM): HAHA. that should be on a tshirt.
youaresteph (2:19:21 AM): when people are frustrated... "who am i really in this world??"
youaresteph (2:19:26 AM): your screen name knows!! JUST LIKE JESUS
youaresteph (2:19:27 AM): hahahhahahaha
youarekristen (2:19:33 AM): hahahaha
youarekristen (2:19:41 AM): man. did you eat too much ice cream tonight?
youarekristen (2:19:46 AM): so hyper.
youaresteph (2:20:14 AM): i went to baskin robbins dollar scoop night!
youarekristen (2:20:20 AM): oh no!! i forgot!!
youarekristen (2:20:29 AM): you mean you did that instead of coming to womens' prayer?
youaresteph (2:20:42 AM): haha before prayer
youarekristen (2:20:46 AM): ohhh..
youaresteph (2:20:49 AM): aww. well you have next tues
youarekristen (2:20:54 AM): true.
youaresteph (2:21:01 AM): jamoca almond fudge MMMM
youarekristen (2:21:15 AM): i have a midterm wed mroning, but oh well. ice cream is way more important and fulfilling than any midterm.
youarekristen (2:21:21 AM): yea!! that's one o fmy favorite.
youaresteph (2:21:36 AM): oh kristen, you have seen the light
youarekristen (2:21:41 AM): HAHA
youarekristen (2:22:16 AM): i feel so.. liek a princess. i can't jsut work at a normal baskin robbins or dairy queen. i need to work in a higher calss ice cream place like coldstone or ben and jerrys, and be snotty about it.
youaresteph (2:22:32 AM): ]hahaahahahahaa
youaresteph (2:22:39 AM): ice cream nazi
youarekristen (2:22:50 AM): did i ever tell you that in like..9th grade my dream job was to be a baskinrobbins ice cream scooper?
youarekristen (2:23:03 AM): LOL!! liek in seinfeld (i dont know if you know..since you dont watch seinfeld)
youarekristen (2:23:22 AM): ooh. in ny my famliy saw the actual soup nazi kitchen
youaresteph (2:23:24 AM): hahahah did you tell your class that?
youaresteph (2:23:41 AM): hahaha my parents owned an ice cream shop when they were in college in texas!!
youaresteph (2:23:43 AM): bluebell ice cream
youarekristen (2:23:52 AM): whoa!
youarekristen (2:24:01 AM): wait. how can they own a shop AND go to school?
youaresteph (2:24:12 AM): wow. that's crazy
youarekristen (2:24:12 AM): you mean it was family owned? or theya ctually bought it
youaresteph (2:24:22 AM): mm it was grad school
youarekristen (2:24:40 AM): wow. crazy. that's where youg et your passion for ice cream from.
youarekristen (2:24:49 AM): so youre not actually a texan, are you?
youaresteph (2:25:02 AM): yes i had no idea until i was in high school. how sad.
youaresteph (2:25:07 AM): i was born there
youarekristen (2:25:07 AM): reallY!??!
youarekristen (2:25:10 AM): which part of texas.
youaresteph (2:25:18 AM): mm. like 40 miles from dallas
youaresteph (2:25:21 AM): east of dallas i think?
youaresteph (2:25:25 AM): greenville, tx
youarekristen (2:25:25 AM): i dont know too many ppl from texas. only 3. now you, this married couple, and jermaine.
youarekristen (2:25:29 AM): oh okay.
youarekristen (2:25:37 AM): wheres dallas. in the middle?
youaresteph (2:25:49 AM): (oh i had no idea about the ice cream thing, not the texas thing) haha
youaresteph (2:26:01 AM): ohh
youarekristen (2:26:03 AM): ohhh..haha i thoght you didtn konw abut texas. whew. scary.
youaresteph (2:26:04 AM): east side
youarekristen (2:26:07 AM): ohokay.
youaresteph (2:26:33 AM): hahaha. no. i know this. i just havent been back
youarekristen (2:26:38 AM): speaking of east side, theres been lots of sideshows in east oakland. and im kind of scared for my grandparents who live there.
youarekristen (2:26:43 AM): oh. when ddi you move out of texas?
youaresteph (2:26:50 AM): sideshows?
youaresteph (2:27:05 AM): i was one and a half
youarekristen (2:27:20 AM): ya. you konw. the car shows wehre they do those stunts, like donuts, burrning tires and such. and sometimes ppl get killed bc the cars arent careful
youarekristen (2:27:23 AM): ah.
youaresteph (2:27:52 AM): ohhh
youarekristen (2:27:52 AM): i was jsut goint to say. it seem slike texans are so opinionated and have strong opinions about things.
youaresteph (2:28:07 AM): haha. you don't think that fits me?
youarekristen (2:28:12 AM): oh. it does!
youaresteph (2:28:19 AM): hahahah
youaresteph (2:28:20 AM): hurray
youarekristen (2:28:23 AM): now everything makes a lot more sense. why you are the way you are. haa
youarekristen (2:29:09 AM): man. we shoudl start using these SNs of ours. but it's so much trouble to switch over
youaresteph (2:29:52 AM): hahahahaha
youaresteph (2:29:55 AM): YAY awesome
youarekristen (2:29:57 AM): okay time for bed. im tired--too much excitement for one day. im very happy with our new screennames.
youaresteph (2:29:59 AM): ok i just told liane
youarekristen (2:30:04 AM): OOH!
youarekristen (2:30:06 AM): get her to do it too.
youaresteph (2:30:08 AM): we are showing people the light
youarekristen (2:30:11 AM): lol
youaresteph (2:30:13 AM): :-) me too i am happy
youarekristen (2:30:19 AM): woudlnt it be cool if sam's SN was "iamsam"?
youaresteph (2:30:19 AM): haha ok sleep
youaresteph (2:30:33 AM): ohhh she's telling me how hard it is to tell people her sn
youarekristen (2:30:34 AM): but im sure it's already taken.
youaresteph (2:30:35 AM): now
youaresteph (2:30:38 AM): SEE its perfect
youaresteph (2:30:47 AM): hhaahahahaaha ohh
youarekristen (2:30:49 AM): HAHAH yea! i bet it is hard to tell ppl her sn. it's so many numbers and junk.
youaresteph (2:31:15 AM): hahahaha exactly
youarekristen (2:31:17 AM): dont forget to advertise the epic senior banquet to people.
youarekristen (2:31:32 AM): im going to switch back sns so that ppl can see my profile and remmber about the banquet.
youaresteph (2:31:43 AM): haha fine
youaresteph (2:31:46 AM): ;-)
youaresteph (2:31:47 AM): i will
“youarekristen” signed off at 2:31:49 AM.







if you've read this far YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY COMMITTED....





so DO it!!!!! DO it!

i will keep track here. hahahahaha

this is an OFFICIAL (c) community team community-building event. GO, epic. this is your latest calling. ;)