// ' * , ` ' . __________ almost PARADISE

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

mm. i love this album, far beyond me. i listen to these songs every day, over and over again. yay for the word.


The Lord is my shepherd strong
I shall not be in want
By waters quiet and pastures green
In righteousness He leads me

Though I walk through the valley
Where the shadows surround me
I fear no evil, I fear no death
'Cause I know you are with me yet

Your rod and staff, they comfort me
In the presence of my enemies
You fill my cup, it overflows
You anoint my head with oil

Surely goodness and love great
Will follow me all my days

And I will dwell with the Lord
In His house forevermore

Surely goodness and love great
Will follow me all my days
And I will dwell with the Lord
In His house forevermore

caroline cobb, "psalm 23." (and there's mandolin!)

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

to read:

Mark Dunn, Ibid* (book written entirely in footnotes :)
Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker
John Irving, A Prayer For Owen Meany
Gregory Maguire, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest
Robert Grudin, Book
A.C. Weisbecker, Cosmic Bandidos
Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy
Mike Howerton, Miles To Cross
J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey
Brennan Manning, The Wisdom Of Tenderness
Anthony DeMello, The Way To Love
Mary Roach, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers

Monday, May 16, 2005

Stare down at my finger where the ring used to be
There's nothing there now, just a memory
Of a love I took for granted and a love I left behind
Oh how I wish you were mine... again

I remember that night, when I slipped away
into the shadows and I ran toward my disgrace
I remember the sadness in your eyes
I remember every tear that you cried
As I gave you back the ring of your bride
And I turned to walk away

And you said, "Oh my bride, haven't I given you a good life?
So would you let me just hold you for a while
Don't you know I'll always love you
Don't you know I'll always wait for you, to come back"

I stare into the mirror with empty eyes
At a face he would not recognize
Lined with adultery and shame
The guilt that weighs heavy on my frame
It's two years too late to go back now
But somewhere he says,

"Oh my bride, haven't I given you a good life?
So would you let me just hold you for a while
Don't you know I'll always love you
Don't you know I'll always wait for you, to come back"


I took a taxi to your house
And I stumbled to the door
Before I had a chance to knock you opened
And you picked me up off the floor
Picked me up off the floor

"Here you are, my lost bride
I give you it all, I'd give you my life
So take my love and take your ring
I'll hold your heart if you stay with me
If you stay with me"


And you said,
"Oh my bride, welcome home to these arms of mine
So would you let me just hold you for awhile
Don't you know I'll always love you
Don't you know I'll always wait for you"


caroline cobb, "hosea's bride."

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

So basically this week I suffered a major identity crisis. Absolutely everyone around me told me they thought I was an extrovert... a huge blow to someone who, all their life, most greatly associated herself with an introspective personality.

According to a Jungean personality test (albeit online), and "Joe Butt" and colleagues, I indeed have extrovert tendencies:

Your Type is ENTJ

Extroverted 22%
Intuitive 88%
Thinking 1%
Judging 1%
(Strength of the preferences %)

You are:

* slightly expressed extrovert
* very expressed intuitive personality
* slightly expressed thinking personality
* slightly expressed judging personality


So it's the intuitive side I've been tapping into all these years and calling it introversion...?



Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging



"I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?"

ENTJs have a natural tendency to marshall and direct. This may be expressed with the charm and finesse of a world leader or with the insensitivity of a cult leader. The ENTJ requires little encouragement to make a plan. One ENTJ put it this way... "I make these little plans that really don't have any importance to anyone else, and then feel compelled to carry them out." While "compelled" may not describe ENTJs as a group, nevertheless the bent to plan creatively and to make those plans reality is a common theme for NJ types.

ENTJs are often "larger than life" in describing their projects or proposals. This ability may be expressed as salesmanship, story-telling facility or stand-up comedy. In combination with the natural propensity for filibuster, our hero can make it very difficult for the customer to decline.

TRADEMARK: -- "I'm really sorry you have to die." (I realize this is an overstatement. However, most Fs and other gentle souls usually chuckle knowingly at this description.)

ENTJs are decisive. They see what needs to be done, and frequently assign roles to their fellows. Few other types can equal their ability to remain resolute in conflict, sending the valiant (and often leading the charge) into the mouth of hell. When challenged, the ENTJ may by reflex become argumentative. Alternatively (s)he may unleash an icy gaze that serves notice: the ENTJ is not one to be trifled with.

Functional Analysis

Extraverted Thinking

"Unequivocating" expresses the resoluteness of the ENTJ's dominant function. Clarity of convictions endows these Thinkers with a knack for debate, or wanting knack, a penchant for argument. The light and heat generated by Thinking at the helm can be impressive; perhaps even overwhelming. Experience teaches many ENTJs that restraint may often be the better part of valor, lest one find oneself victorious but alone.
Introverted iNtuition

The auxiliary function explores the blueprints of archetypal patterns and equips Thinking with a fresh, dynamic sense of how things work. Improvising on the fly is something many ENTJs do very well. As Thinking's subordinate, insights are of value only insofar as they further the Right, True Cause celebre. [n.b.: ENTJs are capable of living on a higher plane, if you will, and learning to value individuals even above their principles. The above dynamic suggests less individuation.]

Extraverted Sensing

Sensing reaches out to embrace that which physically touches it. ENTJs have an awareness of the real; of that which exists. By stilling the engines of Thinking and iNtuition, this type may experience the Here and Now, and know things not dreamt of nor even postulated in iNtuition's philosophy. Sensing's minor role, however, puts it at risk for distortion or extreme weakness beneath the hustle and bustle of the giants N and T.

Introverted Feeling

Feeling is romantic, as the ethereal as the inner world from whence it doth emerge. When it be awake, feeling evokes great passion that knows not nuance of proportion nor context. Perhaps these lesser functions inspire glorious recreational quests in worlds that never were, or may only ever be in fantasy. When overdone or taken too seriously, Fi turned outward often becomes maudlin or melodramatic. Feeling in this type appears most authentic when implied or expressed covertly in a firm handshake, accepting demeanor, or act of sacrifice thinly covered by excuses of lack of any personal interest in the relinquished item.

Famous ENTJs:

U.S. Presidents:
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Richard M. Nixon

Benny Goodman, "Big Band" leader
General Norman Schwarzkopf
Harrison Ford
Steve Martin
Whoopi Goldberg
Sigourney Weaver
Margaret Thatcher
Al Gore (U.S Vice President, 1993-2001)
Lamar Alexander (former governor, US Secretary of Education)
Les Aspen, former U.S. Secretary of Defense
Candace Bergen (Murphy Brown)
Dave Letterman
Newt Gingrich
Patrick Stewart (STNG: Jean Luc Picard)
Robert James Waller (author: The Bridges of Madison County)
Jim Carrey (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, The Mask)
Steve Jobs
Penn Jillette



^^ Some of the most outgoing people I've ever met - er, seen on TV. I can now fully admit that I love being around people, which continues to break down my idea of what independence means... that love means need, and that need means weakness... man I am crazy when I come up with my own theories.

Hmm. Let's ask the audience. What do you think, friends? =0)

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

*waves*

i bought shoes today!! hehehehe. normally i dont go looking when they set up shop at the mu, but i was browsing with aminah and khristine (i guess technically they made me buy them? tee hee) and my eyes fell upon these lovelies:





except, mine are a beautiful olive green with yellow stripes. ah they're gorgeous. i call em my ninja turtle pair... as they're roughly that color. ;) gah, i never cared about shoes before this year, my $3 longs sandals more than suffice and have for about four years now. i figured, "what's the point? i can only wear one at a time!" but now, i can COORDINATE my shoes and my clothes! hurray. hahah. yes, this makes me ridiculously happy. i enjoy how the smallest things do.

maybe it's maria's influence. she, i swear to you, has an entire shoe holder thingy set up that takes up our entire laundry room door.

so now in my shoe family:

1) $3 longs sandals
2) nike-ish tennis shoes (for tennis, yes. incidentally the most expensive pair)
3) $7 big fat blue vans sailor shoes
4) the ninja turtle shoes, my new babies.

hahah ok back to work for real! i'm going to see kung fu hustle tonight =D just have to nail down this paper for good.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

have you guys ever had a

??

It is ONE COOL TACO! heh heh heh

they are indeed glorious though.


but tonight i found something that even one ups this:


the COOL DOG

*drool*

closest place they sell this masterpiece is in Roseville, at Loard's Ice Cream & Candies. (road trip??)


YAY ice cream discoveries!!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

So hard to fathom the pain in Your eyes
As You’re watching Your children, doing what You despise
In pursuit of our own
We just go round and round
Another nail to our cause
We continue to pound

WHAT ARE YOU, MAN, if you do not learn love
What are you, man, if you do not learn love


So hard to fathom, oh, the feelings inside
As You’re watching Your people choosing to die
You called out a warning
To all that would hear
Saying come to Me, come to Me
And I will draw near

WHAT ARE YOU, MAN, if you do not learn love
What are you, man, if you do not learn love

Learn love
I must
Learn love
Learn love

What are you, man, if you do not learn love
What are you, man, if you do not learn love

{[ __shawn mcd. simply nothing.



today may the fifth month, fifth day, two thousand and five. how beautiful... may you move. may i even have the sense to get out of the way.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

When I think, I understand more about myself.
When I believe, God shows me more about Him.



derek webb from grassrootsmusic.com:

I'm wanting to either tear down whatever platform I have until I don't have it anymore or somehow try to sustain it, but the only reason I want it is so that I can speak. To me, there's no point in having a platform to stand on if you're not standing on it saying things that are probably going to get you knocked off of it.
________________________________________________________

You know how Christ's temptations in the desert are recorded in Scripture? In order for that to have happened, He would have had to sit down with His disciples, His best friends, and tell them about all the things that Satan used to tempt him. So for me to be able to talk about the idolatry, the need for encouragement in the Church, is really doing no more than showing everybody the idolatry in my own heart, my own need for encouragement, and my own need for the Gospel.

The Church needs to realize that they still need the Gospel as much as they did the day it saved them. They'll never outgrow their need for it.

________________________________________________________

'lover'
(words and music by derek webb)

like a man comes to an altar i came into this town
with the world upon my shoulders and promises passed down
and i went into the water and my father, he was pleased
i built it and i’ll tear it down so you will be set free

but i found thieves and salesmen living in my father’s house
i know how they got in here and i know how to get ‘em out
i’m turning this place over from floor to balcony
and then just like these doves and sheep you will be set free

i’ve always been a lover from before i drew a breath
some things i loved easy and some i loved to death
because love’s no politician, it listens carefully
of those who come i can’t lose one, so you will be set free

but go on and take my picture, go on and make me up
i’ll still be your defender, you’ll be my missing son
and i’ll send out an army just to bring you back to me
because regardless of your brother’s lies you will be set free

i am my beloved's and my beloved’s mine
so you bring all your history and i’ll bring the bread and wine
and we’ll have us a party where all the drinks are on me...
then as surely as the rising sun you will be set free



the entire gospel message summed up in song? maybe.

i love it.

ah, is it ever precious.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I'm getting darker. But in a bad way, I think. Cause I'm also a little red... and my arm hairs stand out. What does that mean...?

Lots to think about lately. I'm rolling so many things around in my head that it's a perfect chance to keep my writing sharp - but theres still so much so I'll post in segments. But something I wanna record right away:

Last night in bible study I lacked a lot of words. Plus there were people setting up something in the lounge... it's kind of nervewracking because last year they kicked us out a couple times and I hate that sort of confrontation. Well, a lot of kinds of confrontation. yeah... so i was sitting there, already starting to falter because it wasn't going as I'd expected, and I was like, sigh more distractions, this isn't helping God... and then rhea came to my rescue, and we were talking and suddenly:

"In the secret, in the quiet place"

the jaw DEFINITELY dropped. haha. im surprised it didn't go unhinged. (it should have. another thing to praise him for. haha)

in the stillness you are there
in the secret, in the quiet hour I wait
only for You
cause i want to know You more

i am reaching, for the highest goal
that I might receive the prize
pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside
out of my way
cause i want to know You more

ah God. I can't stop smiling again. you always know exactly what to say, and you are so loving that you give your grace at exactly the moment we need it most. and you prove that you are everywhere, with everyone.

i really needed the reminder. "in the stillness, you are there." i just need to listen. theres so much traffic going through my head i forget who controls all the flow and who allows chaos that i might come to discern whats most important. why? to know him better, to focus exactly on his heart for these girls and the place he's readied for me. and i have no need for shame. shame would be appropriate only if this message wasn't necessary, if it was myself blowing smoke about me. for what have i, really, to boast about? i know i'm clumsy, i know i'm erratic. on my own i fall on my face. i am nothing. james 4:14 says my life is like a mist: here now, but soon to leave. and during this short time it's so hard to fix my eyes on what is unseen - it's yet another paradox that God operates by because his realm is so much different than the one i stumble around in here. but to see what is unseen means to use a different mode of sight than what i'm used to. it's a prayerful heart plus a purposeful intent.

so let me not compromise with you, or say any longer "here, lets try it my way" knowing it will collapse like so many sandcastles under a rolling wave. let me not operate from the mindset that i know anything at all anymore. if i am to live on this earth as in your holy kingdom, God, and you are up there watching and directing me here, i really do have to trust you.


to read: Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
John Irving, A Prayer For Owen Meany
Anthony Bourdain, Kitchen Confidential

to hear: Glen Phillips, Winter Pays For Summer
Tim Easton, The Truth About Us

hmm...

Jesus loves me, this I know,
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong,
They are weak but he is strong.